Do we live or merely survive?

As we were out walking one evening, I spotted this heart in the street. Do you see a heart or do you see a pot hole? Know me long enough and you'll see I will strive to find something in everything. Not like Jesus in a piece of toast but really choosing to see beyond the boring. Do you see with the eyes of your heart or your head? Do we live or do we merely survive? Do we wake up everyday content for the consistency or do we seek some way to engage our heart? Do we hop out of bed and clothe ourselves without expectation? Or do we wake grateful for our breath and another chance to "bring it" in the arena of life?

In just 11 short days, I will be celebrating another birthday. While I won't tell you how old, I will tell you I love sunflowers, candles and pretty scarves. As I approach the blessing of being given another year of life, I wonder what have I done with it? Have I lived out my non-negotiables? Have I honored my mission statement? Have I been grateful more times than I've been whiney? When I've complained, have I sought solutions or just deferred and dumped? Have I had an opinionated mouth, cocked and loaded with shotgun spray? Or have I been thoughtful in my approach and made room for others? Have I listened as much as I've spoken? Have I said, "I'll pray for you" and simply forgotten? Have I merely survived another year or have I lived?

Are there people in my path I have left my heart print on? Have I encouraged others? Have I stopped to consider someone's position rather than simply judging why they're in it? Have I allowed the walls of my heart to come down and sample the sweetness of love? Have I appreciated the majesty of the stillness of the morning and the colors of the sunrise? Or have I missed that daily gift caught up in the planning of my day that just couldn't wait? Have I merely survived or have I lived?

Have I discovered social injustice and turned a blind eye? Have I worn more smiles than frowns? Have I been more humble than proud? Have I honored those I come under in my life? Have I let my son know I'm proud of him, not for what he does but for who he is? Have I told those in my life I call "friend" you matter? Have I loved my community well? Have I experienced failure and used it as a springboard? Have I treated everyone with equal kindness regardless of who they are? Have I merely survived or have I lived? 

Have I allowed worry to plunder my joy? Have I allowed negativity to blind me from experiencing gratitude? Have I shared a handwritten note with someone just because? Have I tried something new even if I'm attached to the old? Have I stood in the arena of life thankful for the chance to battle with banality and humdrum survivalists? 

Friends, I want to be able to say that I have sparred with status quo. I want to be able to lift my head and know that I have not shirked from the fear of "what if?" When I lay my head on the pillow at night on a soft bed under shelter I'm grateful to have, I want to know that I make my "life" count everyday. I want to be a deliverer of joy. I want to be a smile specialist. I want to be an injector of inspiration. I want to know I've given more than I've taken. And when my journey nears the end, I want you all to know that your hearts have mattered. So until then, I will choose to live not merely survive.

The Eagle Has Landed...

The eagle has landed…and all is now right in the world again. For those of you who know me, you know that’s code for Jake is home and I had a great night’s sleep because my little chick was back in the nest! It’s amazing how total peace is fulfilled when you feel your space is complete. Everything can be going wrong around you but if your nucleus, your base is intact, it just doesn’t matter. Whether consciously or subconsciously we feel off. We feel a longing inside of us. We feel undone. If I’m honest, I believe I’m the only one who knows how to take care of my son. When he had his emergency surgery last year, it took everything I had to sit in that waiting room for five hours. I really believed that if I could just be in the operating room with him, surely I could guide the surgeon better than he could do on his own with all his schooling and experience. This was my child’s body for crying out loud! I know every scar, every bump, every hair on that kid’s head. He is mine. I love him so very much. When I was pregnant with him, I loved every minute of it. When it was time for his birth, I was so sad. I did not have any interest in sharing him with the rest of the world. He was mine. I would love him. I would protect him. Why did anyone else need to hold him? How could anyone else possibly know what his different cries were? How could anyone else know when he was hungry, when he was tired, when he just wanted to be held? He is part of me. 

Then I got to thinking friends, if I can’t even put into words this feeling of love. This feeling of being so proud of this man child that went off to school in a whole other state not knowing a soul. This feeling of this beautiful young man would not have to do any more in his lifetime and I would be beaming from ear to ear just because he’s my son. So I began wondering, how much more does God feel and think of us? How much does He long for our return home? How much does He sleep better when He knows we’re safe back in our nest? How much more does He just want to step in when He knows we’re in danger? How much more does He feel like He knows every scar on our heart and our body and counts every hair on our head? How much more does He long to watch us living in our sweet spot, moving in our lives the way He designed us to be? He loves us, He protects us, and yes we are part of Him. 

It’s incredible to believe we get to share in our child’s lives. It’s crazy to remember walking him to his first day of school ever and then packing him up to return out of state to college again. I remember watching him make his first friends at 5 years old. Now I get to witness the life long friends he has made from all over the world. Wonderful sweet friends that he will share many memories with over his lifetime. We don’t get to walk him to his college classes. No, we trust that he’ll be ok. We believe that we’ve taught him well and we watch as he takes on the world, one moment at a time.   I wonder if that’s what it’s like for our loving Father? 

I imagine Him super excited for all the “firsts” in our life. He’s thrilled as He watches us grow day by day into our original designs. He rejoices with us when we’re happy. His heart breaks with ours when we’re hurt. He is encouraged when we reach out to others and share our story, which is really His story. Yes friends, He watches as He trusts that we’ll be ok. That we, like our own children, have learned well and He is with us as we love the world one person at a time. I think He loves the fact that we join in community with people from all over the world because of the gifts He blesses us with. 

I think of the many times that we as parents stand firm because we know who are children are even before they know who they are. We believe in them when they can’t believe in themselves. We love them even when they can’t love themselves. We hold in our minds their original design, what God created them to be, as we allow them to explore themselves. We pray for them in our quiet time, knowing that even when their worlds seem to be on a collision course, God’s got them. We have faith that somehow, someway, through some window from heaven their path leads them home to a place of peace, to a place of grace, to a place we held for them in our prayers all along. 

I believe our Father does the same for us. He watches as we grow distant trying to figure it out. He believes in us when we can’t believe in ourselves. He believes in us even when it’s hard for us to believe in Him. He loves us when we can’t even begin to look at ourselves. He knows who He made us to be and He waits for us to find it. He stands for us. He blesses us with peace. He leads us to grace and holds our place in the kingdom that he meant for us all along.