Through My Eyes...

Both my parents are in their early 80’s. My sweet mother lost her father when she was only 5 years old. My precious father was shining shoes for the sailors to help support his family when he was only 6 years old. Both have lived rich full lives. Both have experienced hardships as families living through the Depression era. My father comes from a family of 3 children, my mother is one of eight children. Between the two of them, I have 11 sets of aunts and uncles and only 1 pair of those has experienced divorce. That couple had been together for more than 30 years and it was with great sadness and many tears which brought them to irreconcilable differences. 1 out of 11 couples. Those are very different odds from what we know today as a society and a culture. By today’s standards 9 out of 11 would know the pains of divorce. It was a different time back then…today we live in an instant gratification, microwave society. 

Back then, work ended by 5pm. We didn’t have cell phones for each member of the family to be distracted and fixated by. We all sat at the dinner table eating a home cooked meal together. As my father loved to say, “Get up and serve yourself cause this ain’t Luby’s!”. It seemed there was always plenty of food to go around and more than that always plenty of love that put those meals together. After dinner we watched tv as a family on one of the 3 channels available while mom or dad helped us with our homework. We interacted together. We talked and we laughed. We were family. 

Today, it’s a struggle to find the richness of a solid foundation. Reflecting on this today really stirred my heart. This picture is through my eyes. What if I asked my 22 year old what life growing up looked like through his eyes. What does life look like for my parents at 83 through their eyes? The question begs for understanding as there are so many perspectives. For my son, growing up with the internet and having a cell phone attached to him from a young age is completely different for my parents who saw the invention of tv and the evolution of computers. For Jake, texting is the norm. For my parents, if they don’t learn how or can’t they risk having limited communication and touches with their family. 

This got me to thinking, when we look at the biblical model of community, it was inter-generational. It was about passing strengths and skills on to one another. It was capturing the heart of Deuteronomy 8, “Take care lest you forget the Lord your God by not keeping His commandments and His rules and His statutes, which I command you today, lest, when you have eaten and are full and have built good houses and live in them, and when your herds and flocks multiply and your silver and gold is multiplied and all that you have is multiplied, then your heart be lifted up…” More importantly, it goes on to say, “Beware lest you say in your heart, “My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth,” You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth, that he may confirm his covenant that he swore to your fathers, as it is this day.”

For me personally, this is what I must never ever forget. It is what bound together a family through thick and thin. It is what my grandmother taught her 8 children and what my father’s family understood in their hearts. My journey, my flesh, my, mine and me are what took my eye off the ball for the sustainability they knew. I did exactly what we are warned against in the second part of Deuteronomy 8. Gratefully, we serve a God who doesn’t give up on us. A Father who believes in us more than we can believe in ourselves sometimes. As I looked back through my eyes, thankfully He shows me who I am through His eyes. In His eyes I am capable. In His eyes I am equipped. In His eyes I exist because He created me. In His eyes I am able to create a rich foundation for my son to build upon for his future and God’s glory. 

Rest

Yesterday, I had a surgical procedure. It was an outpatient operation, however to ensure healing, the doctor has called for 4 weeks of rest. What?! He and the nurse both repeated themselves, 4 weeks of rest. My mind being what it is asked them to define “rest”. Essentially, I cannot get my heart rate up, apparently it impedes the healing process.

To be clear, no running, no tennis, no weight training, no taking the dog for a walk, no running on the treadmill. Rest. What in the world can I do? His answer…”rest”. Seriously, this has made me very uncomfortable since the day my surgery was planned. I love all of the things I cannot do. I however, do not enjoy rest. Those things are my rest for crying out loud. 

So I decided I might need some help understanding what exactly rest means. Being a biblical girl, I remember all of the scriptures speaking to rest. Specifically in Matthew 11, “Come unto me all who are weary and find rest for your souls…” Then I got to thinking maybe I don’t even know when I need rest. This imposition of rest is actually a lesson in recognizing what rest actually is. You see Christ’s rest is not a rest from work, but in work. It isn’t the rest of inactivity but of the harmonious working of all of our being working in sync. Our affections, our will, our heart, our imagination and our conscience because each has found in God the ideal synergy for balance and development. 

Often we think of rest as ceasing work or movement in order to relax. The Lord wants to teach us to rest in Him always so we are consistently at rest in all we do. Rest comes from trust in Him, knowing He has our best interest. The rest of the scripture in Matthew 11 speaks to the Lord asking us to take His yoke upon our shoulders, for His way is easy and His burden is light. In my research, I learned farmers who use oxen to plow their fields demonstrate this idea so well. Often they pair up a well seasoned adult ox with a young bull. There is an obvious difference in size but that is their agenda. The larger bull does all of the work though they are yoked together. The younger smaller and weaker bull is to learn from the other. Though he is going through the motions of working, his load is lessened by watching how the more mature bull does it. The young ox watches what experience has taught him, soon he will be teaching the next young one.

One of things I realized is that we must be willing to watch, to hear and understand what our Father is trying to teach us. Even in music, rest is defined as a rhythmic silence. It’s waiting for our turn to have a go. It’s waiting for our next cue from our Daddy in heaven to say “now you may go”. How often do we allow work, family and even our recreation to get ahead of us. We want to manipulate, control, contrive and create the outcome we desire to have. But, what if we could learn to simply trust and rest in the Lord? What if we could silence our minds, restrict our stress, lessen our loads? What if we can allow the possibility that we do not have to cease work or movement in this case but simply invite the Lord in to be bigger than us. To watch as He works so we learn His way. What if we find by allowing Him to bear the brunt, we refresh ourselves and we recover our strength?

So friends, this is my attempt at putting his yoke upon my shoulders. For 4 weeks, I will choose to learn to rest in Him. Though I cannot have physical activity, I will yield to Him in everything else. This is an opportunity to train my mind in “bringing all thoughts captive to Christ”. If He is leading and I trust His lead, there is nothing but rest to be had. 

Celebrating 43!

43

This is my 43rd birthday eve. It is different. I am different. Imagine with me for a moment the layers on the inside of Texas limestone in the hill country. That limestone has a story. It has survived many years. it has seen many battles. It has weathered storms and wildfires. It has sustained, survived and stands as solid as the day it was created. If I were a rock, I’d be Texas limestone. Not just because it’s native to Texas….well maybe just because it’s native to Texas. 

After living 43 years on this earth, I have a story. I have fought many a battle. I have stood in storms and survived wildfires. In my case however, my faith is what has allowed me to stand firm on solid ground. The day the Lord decided I needed a heart transplant, He saved my life. He took my crusty, hardened and broken heart and gave me a heart of flesh. My new heart beats to His rhythm, not my own. Much like when someone gets a physical heart transplant, my body had to learn to accept it. 

You see, I was spiritually ill. In the natural a CBC panel stands for a complete blood count. In the spiritual it's Christ Blood Count in our lives, I had not allowed the sacrifice of His blood to permeate my soul. I was so caught up in my version of comfort, I wouldn't let Him in. I knew who He was. Heck I even taught bible study to others. Head knowledge was not what I lacked. It was heart knowledge. It was the belief that He was the answer, the only answer. 

The scripture from Deuteronomy 6:5 and then repeated by Jesus in Matthew 22:37-40: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind and you shall love your neighbor as yourself." 

When I didn't fully trust in Jesus as my Savior I didn't truly apply this scripture to my life. If I'm honest, I didn't love the Lord with all my heart. I loved Him, I just wasn't ready to surrender all of my heart to Him. Interesting side fact, in Hebrew the word for heart is "leb". In Hebrew, the word heart not only refers to our heart as the home of our emotions but also our mind, our place of decision. In ancient times, it was believed the heart controlled the rest of the body. In many ways, it absolutely can. 

It's no wonder the word heart is found more than 1000 times in scripture. Take a closer look and we're told the heart is "deceitful above all things." In Samuel we're told "man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart." In Matthew 12:34, Jesus tells us "the mouth speaks what the heart is full of".

The heart has intellectual and spiritual functions. In scripture we see examples where a heart thinks, remembers, reflects and meditates. In  first century culture, ears heard, eyes saw, the heart was meant to discern. When a person lacked insight, it was synonymous with lacking heart.

Father knew my old heart was incapable of making a conscious commitment to follow Him. He was aware my old heart was not full of His love, or His ways rather, it was full of my flesh. I needed Him. I was sick. I began to wonder if all my seeking Him was in vain. I saw no difference in my life. There was no evidence of this loving God I'd heard others speak of. 

As I considered this dilemma, was I duped? Was He real? Where did I go wrong? Then as clear as day, I heard Him. "Are you ready now?" He asked. Am I ready? What kind of question is that? I asked with all the selfishness of my flesh. Then it hit me, like a ton of bricks. Maybe that was the problem...

You see friends, I kept waiting for Him to be ready to play the role of Father. To swoop down and rescue me from my problems. To be my Savior, that's what He's supposed to be isn't He? 
Gently, He nudged me again, "Are you ready?" After much mental wrestling and many tears, I conceded. "Yes Father, I am ready. Will you please be my Lord?"

He wrapped me up in the softest blanket of His love I could ever imagine. I cried, but this time it was tears of joy. It was the knowing I had been looking for all along. 

I received my new heart that day. One that was fully able to choose Him. One that could commit to Him, not out of obligation but out of love, out of awe for my Savior. 

As I sit here on the eve of my 43 years on this earth. I am more grateful than I've ever been. I have more joy than I've ever had. I love deeper than I've ever loved. My son has grown into the most amazing person who seeks Him because he wants to. Jake speaks into others lives from his teammates to the kids he teaches, he's a great leader who brings out the best in others. I have extended "sons" that I absolutely adore-- Frenchie, Tomas and many others! The Lord has brought the most precious man, Timothy and his wonderful family into my life, you guys make me want to be better! To be surrounded by these precious people makes me overflow with gladness. 

Our Father has called me into the most amazing ministry. I've had the humble privilege of meeting so many from all over with hearts to further His gospel. With this new heart, there is a passion and desire running deep into my bones to serve others just as our Father did. Life for me is not about furthering an agenda serving self, it is about impacting others. It's about His love, His heart, His kingdom. 

This is the long way around the barn to say, I'm grateful my name was on the transplant list. I'm in awe He never gave up on me. My former heart couldn't have received these sweet gifts, these marvelous memories. It wasn't capable. We are not capable without our Father who loves us, who waits for us, who is my all. 

Birthdays are special friends, guess my "heart" is reflecting. Life is beautiful--good or bad--it's wonderfully amazing and reassuring to remember He is in control. At 43 I love who I am in Him. My prayer is the evolution does not stop and always moves forward. Thank you all for playing a role in this journey called life.