Celebrating Success

This past weekend, we celebrated Jake going away to play tennis for Indiana. The whole family, three generations proudly wore their red/white in support of his dream. All of my sweet family wrote him a note of encouragement and blessing, from his grandparents to the cousins he grew up with each one had beautiful sentiments of love for him. It was emotionally overwhelming, as you you imagine. As the day came to an end and looked at this family photo, I realized there should be a celebration for every person in it. Whether my father, who worked three jobs at a time to support us. My mom, who tirelessly gave of herself instilling moral value and principles, teaching us to give of ourselves every opportunity we can. My niece, Lauren, she started her family at such a young age and yet she have overcome obstacles that most would have just caved at. She provides for her family and loves her babies. My other niece, Val, she has strived to be the best momma to her little angel Emalina. She works hard every day to help her sweet husband. Which brings us to Jose, Jose has been a little man since he was born. He has a heart of gold and loves his girls with everything he has. Drea Lynn is in high school, she's an athlete and one day we will send her off to a great college too. She works hard and is always fighting to stay on the narrow path. Alaina, is my youngest niece, she is amazingly intelligent and has an appetite for reading. She's a precious jewel and loves to fight with her grandma, keeps her young! My brother Joe, is not in the picture since he was taking it. Joe has done such a great job at being available for my neices with absent dads. He loves on them and tries his best to teach them--when they have ears to hear! My point is, this whole family should be celebrated for who they are, for where they've been and for the great things still yet to do. We are overcomers, we are full of passion, and we come from a long line of God fearing people that know our strength and love are reflections of the many blessings He has poured out on us. He has saved us from ourselves on more than one occasion and we never never forget all He has done for us. These are my people and I couldn't be more proud!

Manna For The Journey - Day 40

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This is the last day of a 40 day devotional. It has been an interesting ride to say the least. I will continue writing. I've fallen madly in-love with it. For the final day of the devotional, I'd like to discuss something I've wrestled with. As I mentioned in previous blogs, I grew up in a legalistic religion. Having said that, there are some ongoing fun debates about what exactly legalism is. Since I'm not one who likes controversy…for those that know me this is major tongue in cheek. Of course I'm going to discuss this. I would definitely describe my former belief as legalistic not because of what the religion is but because of what I made it. My point is, you can make a very non-legalistic religion legalistic just by your perception of it. For example, I believed I had to be good all the time for God to love me. I believed I had to be completely obedient for him to be pleased with me. I believed I earned salvation based on my works. Slap any religion on me, with those beliefs I am a legalist. Legalism is all my works get me to heaven. Legalism is me looking down on others simply because I think somehow I'm better than them in the religion department. Legalism is me not having a relationship with my Savior. I see Him keeping a list of my wrongs and rights and I better have more rights at the end of the day or I'll be frowned upon. That is not my belief anymore. I believe that because of my relationship with Jesus. Because I love and fear Him, I wish to be obedient to His Word. I feel that sometimes we diminish what it means to meet Jesus. Maybe I should phrase that another way, I think sometimes we can cheapen what it is when Jesus meets us where we are, covered in sin, not able to save ourselves. For the rest of the blog, I decided to write in narrative form. I've always wondered what it would have been like to live in biblical days and encounter Jesus in the flesh. So here's my take on that, my life all those years ago. 

The marketplace was overly crowded that day. You literally had to shove and push your way through just to get by. The air was thick with the smell of spices for sale and the fresh fruits just brought in. It was Capernaum. I grew up here and had remained here with my family. I was considered an outcast in some circles. You see, I had been married not once before, but twice. Some people would wonder what was wrong with me? From all appearances, I was considered a lovely woman but I must have been broken in some way. Who would want me now anyway? I was tainted. I have a son. He is a beautiful young man. His skin like the bark of the olive trees from the sun. He works hard and loves me with a fierce love. I don't have many friends, afraid to trust. I've been hurt by people one too many times. Life here is what it is. I keep to myself, go to market, take care of my son. What else is there? As I was walking back from the market one day, there was a crowd passing by. They were rushing around someone, but I had never seen this man before. He had a way about him. He looked kind. Could this be him? The one they speak of? Rumor had it, he could forgive sins and heal the sick. But was this him? The crowd continued by and I wondered but didn't follow. The next day someone said he'd be speaking just down the road at one of the official's homes. I longed to go, but thought there's no way they'd let me in, my life was on par with the prostitutes because of my failed marriages. I would peer in through a window, desperate to see this man they call Yeshua. I had to climb a tree to get to the ledge but I made it. I sat in the tree and watched him teaching from the scrolls, then it happened. He glanced my way and stopped. His eyes pierced to my heart and just then I felt it. He could see me. But, He didn't just see me, he saw through me. He never took His eyes off me and began walking toward me. In fear, I began trying to scramble down the tree, but He stopped me. He reached through the window and softly held my face in His hands. He spoke and His voice was so soft but so commanding, "My daughter why are you on the outside looking in? Why not join those who have been called here?" Trembling, I answered "I can't" was all I could say. He never took His eyes off me and said, "why do you believe that?"I answered quietly looking down, "I am not worthy." His eyes filed with tears and He shook his head in disagreement. He said, "My daughter you are precious in my sight. I love you so much. You are beautiful, you are gifted, and you are worthy. Your sins are forgiven. Now live the fullness of the life that I have carved out for you. and sin no more." Then he reached through the window with both arms and plucked me out of the tree to bring me inside. I cried and was filled with joy all at the same time. From that day on I followed Yeshua all the way to the cross. I grieved the day He left us but held on to the promise that He would come again. He gave me life. He gave me my identity in Him not the one rooted in sin that labeled me. He freed me from myself and from those that persecuted me. He is my Savior. 

Wow. That was so moving to write, I hope its as moving to read. I hope you see yourself in that story. The interesting thing is when Jesus was preparing to go to the cross He tells us in John 16:7 "Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you." It is to our advantage that Jesus go away in the flesh because we get the Holy Spirit that dwells in us every day, every minute. How crazy is it then that we make our quiet time with God or our disciplines of prayer as something that's just part of our daily schedules. Getting back to the debate on whether or not we're legalists because we want to be obedient to His word. The reality is, because of grace and because we live in a fallen world, we will sin. We can be covered up to our necks in sin. We can be like David who committed adultery and murdered, but the key is having a repentful heart that longs to be made right with God. To have a willing spirit to avoid the sin that entangles us. You see just because I know that even when I'm sinning, Jesus still pursues me does not mean that I have the right to run faster toward sin. It means that if I know Jesus in my heart, I struggle with the sin. I'm uncomfortable with it. I know it's wrong and I have a choice whether to keep sinning or to ask my Savior to help me stop sinning. To transform my heart so that I no longer desire the sin. Isn't this the goal? Isn't this the daily process through communing with Him that we would allow Him to search our hearts and purge all the filth and everything that is not of Him and finally, to pray for a willing spirit because we love Him but most of all because He loved us first. 

Manna For The Journey - Day 39

In my reading of the Word today I came across a scripture I'm sure I've read many times, but today it wrecked me. It literally broke my heart to tears. Let me set the stage a little bit and see if I can explain why. I was reading in Luke 18 and 19. In Luke 18, Jesus tells the story of the widow who was relentless in asking for justice and reminds us to pray without ceasing and not to give up. He ends that story with a question and says, "But when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?" He then goes on to talk to an official who asked what he must do to have eternal life. I almost hear the official coming at the question full of pride, almost wanting Jesus to praise him? That's my thought here when he approaches him as "Good teacher" sounds like he's brown nosing to me. Jesus even asks, "why do you call me good? No one is good except God." He reminds him you know the commandments. The official arrogantly tells Jesus he's obeyed them since he was a boy. Then Jesus, knowing his heart says okay buddy then sell everything you have, distribute it among the poor and you will have treasure in heaven. Then follow me! The official became very sad because he couldn't part with his money. Then Jesus and the twelve are on their way to Jerusalem. Intentionally He takes them through Jericho. He comes across a blind man sitting and begging. The blind man heard the crowd going by and struggled to see what was happening. When he found out Jesus was passing by, he shouted "Yeshua, son of David have mercy on me!" Can you imagine his desperation? His longing for Jesus is beautiful. He can't see, he has to hope Jesus will hear him and have mercy on him. The people at the front of the crowd tell him to be quiet? What? I don't get these people back then. Why were they so irritated by him? Why wouldn't they think to tell someone this man was desperate and crying out for help? Jesus stops and makes time for this man just like He had for countless others. Lovingly He asks, "what do you want me to do for you?" Can you just put yourself in the blind man's position for a moment. You are blind. You have nothing. You rely on other people every day by begging. Now hope has come! Jesus is passing by! Jesus makes time for him, this man that the others told to be quiet and asks what would you like me to do for you? Have you ever been so desperate? Have you begged and relied on others? Are you at a place where you are shouting to Jesus, "Have mercy on me!" This wrecked me but we're not even to the part yet that really messed me up. So, Jesus restores his sight and tells him your faith has made you well. Interestingly, the next person Jesus encounters is Zacchaeus. He was the director of the tax collectors and very wealthy. The Word says He tried to see who Jesus was, but he was small and couldn't see. What I find interesting here is the blind man knew who Jesus was and sought Him out. Zacchaeus didn't know who Jesus was and Jesus sought him out. Zacchaeus had climbed a fig tree to see Jesus. When He was passing by, Jesus looks up at the tree and tells him to come down and that he would stay at his house that day! You can just imagine what unfolds at dinner. Zacchaeus is so moved by Jesus that he says he'll give half his property to the poor and pay four times as much as he owes people he has cheated. Zacchaeus and his family were saved that day. Beautiful illustration again of Jesus love for his people for those that seek and those lost. Later in Chapter 19, as Jesus rides into Jerusalem on a donkey, and the disciples are praising God for all the miracles they had seen, the Pharisees are telling Jesus to tell the disciples to be quiet, and then there is the moment. Yeshua replied to them, "I can guarantee that if they are quiet, the stones will cry out." When He came closer and saw the city, he began to cry. He said, "If you had only known today what would bring you peace! But now it is hidden, so you cannot see it. The time will come when enemy armies will build a wall to surround you and close you in on every side. They will level you to the ground and kill your people. One stone will not be left on top of another, because you didn't recognize the time when God came to help you." That's the burden. That's the scripture that caused me to weep. Jesus was prophesying the holocaust of Israel in 70AD and the destruction of the temple, but for me he was forecasting so many of our personal journeys. I thought of my own family that is riddled with destruction from choices we've made. Agreements and friendships we've made with fear, anxiety, unforgiveness. In my humble opinion, these are the things that can surround us and close in on every side. They can level our families to the ground. We are Jerusalem. If we had only recognized today what would bring us peace. Will we recognize the day when God comes to help us? Will we be able to see it? 

Manna For The Journey - Day 38

We live in a culture that tends to water down tough things to make them more palatable, don't we? We love easy, we love convenient, we love efficient and we love to be comfortable. I realize how blessed we are to live in a country where we're able to worship openly. We can buy as many bibles as we want and read them in public. It's crazy to compare that to certain countries where it's such a covert operation to even pray together. Or how people in other countries have to sneak out at night and meet in someone's home just to read one page of scripture! They read it over and over again, thankful for that taste of the Word. Are we spoiled? Do we forget that in some places people are still persecuted for being believers? Then you read in scripture in Luke 14:25-35 "Large crowds were traveling with Yeshua. He turned to them and said, "if people come to me and are not ready to abandon their fathers, mothers, wives, children, brothers, and sisters, as well as their own lives, they cannot be my disciples. So those who do not carry their crosses and follow me cannot be my disciples. "Suppose you want to build a tower. You would first sit down and figure out what it costs. Then you would see if you have enough money to finish it. Otherwise, if you lay a foundation and can't finish the building, everyone who watches will make fun of you. They'll say, "this person started to build but couldn't finish the job." "Or suppose a king is going to war against another king. He would first sit down and think things through. Can he and his 10,000 soldiers fight against a king with 20,000 soldiers? If he can't, he'll send ambassadors to ask for terms of peace while the other king is still far away. In the same way, none of you can be my disciples unless you give up everything. Salt is good. But if salt loses its taste, how will you restore its flavor? It's not any good for the ground or for the manure pile. People throw it away. "Let the person who has ears listen!" Wow. So there's a ton to unpack here but I'm going to give us the well...condensed version (true to our culture). When Jesus gives these examples of the cost to follow Him as a disciple, He uses metaphors they will understand because of their culture. Family is huge in Jewish culture. War is another passionate cause and salt was a big commodity to them. They would have understood all these as weighty in terms of what it takes to follow Him. I love the ending when he says emphatically, "Let the person who has ears listen!" Obviously they all literally had ears but He was addressing those who had spiritual ears, those who would be convicted, those whose hearts were ready to receive that. Then there's the story of the rich man who asked him what he had to do to follow Him. He was already following Torah and doing what it said. Jesus knew his heart so He asked him to sell everything he had and he walked away sad because that was too high a price for him to pay to follow Jesus. So this begs the question, what are we willing to risk? What are we willing to give up? What do we prize in our hearts more than following Jesus? How is it that we live in a country where we are not persecuted or killed for being a believer or reading our bibles in public or even evangelizing to others and yet what are we consumed by? What priority does following Jesus have in our day? I think of the first missionary, the Samaritan woman at the well. Jesus had just called her out on being divorced 4 times, but she is not shamed. She doesn't go and isolate herself. She runs back to town to tell everyone who she met and how she was forgiven! When we are convicted of our sin, do we put it on Facebook so excited we've been forgiven? Do we send out a mass text in exuberance? No, in fact we hide behind sins that are acceptable in our culture. At church someone might ask, how are you doing sister? We answer "better than we deserve" or maybe "struggling with pride" and the response, "we'll pray for you." Really? Is that the best we can do? How about honesty and being real? Would we ever publicly share our struggles and say "I'm struggling with pornography" "I'm addicted to meth at the moment" When did evangelizing especially in honesty become so taboo? I'm guilty of it too. I've struggled with performance. I want to be accepted and revered as much as the next person, but not at the cost of keeping me from Jesus. Not at the price of cheapening what He has done in my life and what I've witnessed in countless stories of others. My Savior did way too much for me to be silent. We must allow Him to search our hearts daily for the things that compete for our time, for our resources, for our love so that He and He alone is our source. Consider these things, reflect on your life with a grateful heart, and never, never forget we He has done for you.

"Those who want to come with me must say no to

the things they want, pick up their crosses every day, and follow me.

Those who want to save their lives will lose them. But those

who lose their lives for me will save them."

Luke 9:23-24

Manna For The Journey - Day 37

I grew up practicing a very legalistic religion. My view back then was that God only loves us when we're obedient. Self condemnation came very easy to me, if I'm honest, it's very easy to open that door of thought even today. When I was covered in sin, in my mind it seemed every day, I ran from church and I ran from God. In my parent's house that was a difficult thing to do. We had pictures of Jesus in every room. They weren't those loving pictures you see of Him with small children or holding a sinner's face in His hands, they were the pictures of Him with the crown of thorns on his head bleeding profusely that I singlehandedly put there. In other pictures He had a very disappointed look on his face, just a broken heart, and of course I did that too. That's how I remember Jesus thinking of me. When I was 17, I left home. I was so messed up and on a one way track to hell, I figured I'd spare my family the pain and heartache of my continued sin. They'd be better off without me. I was alone. I was a mess. I was just waiting for God to strike me and send me to my judgement, after all it's what I deserved. You see friend, I had never met grace. I had never read my bible to see the countless stories in Genesis, a book I surely would have fit in quite nicely. Had someone told me about Abraham, who even after God made promises to him, still ran, still lied, still lacked faith. Had I been introduced to King David, a man after God's own heart, who also sinned by committing adultery and murder, and yet still so loved by the Father. Had I read about Peter, who walked with Jesus, and yet denied Him tree times when it counted, I would have seen the love and forgiveness poured out on him. Had I known grace, I would have seen these stories and so many more of God's unyielding redemption. You see, God seems to really love messed up people who lack because He knows that He is the one who makes us whole. Haven't we cheapened grace enough? We ask for grace when we miss an appointment, we use grace to describe beauty. Grace is so much bigger than that. It's because of grace that we are loved despite our sinfulness. It's because of grace that while we were yet sinners Christ came and died for us. And the whole obedience thing? Well the obedience follows the love and forgiveness that washes over us following us receiving the grace of our Father. There is nothing we have to do to earn His love. Nothing. We can be swimming in sin and ask for grace with a repentful heart and He gives us a double portion gladly. We must also be careful not to judge one another but to extend that grace to others too. Who knows, that guy covered in tats could be a modern day Gideon. That girl who just seems to continuously make poor choices, a modern day Mary Magdalene. Who knows? Only God knows our heart so we should not judge based on outward appearance alone. After all it's Jesus who said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: "I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Looking at the twelve disciples, they were rough. He didn't choose twelve Pharisees or Saducees or even the Essenes who set themselves apart. He chose common everyday sinners who didn't have it all together. If we claim to be on Jesus's team and wear the name Christian, than we should reflect His love, His acceptance, His grace. And when we think, this time we've done too much, we've strayed too far, we've been gone far too long--call out to Him, His grace is immeasurable, His love unyielding and His heart is wide open.

"And from his fullness we have all received,  grace upon grace.

For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth

came through Jesus Christ."

John 1:15-17

Manna For The Journey - Day 36

Is your heart circumcised? Sounds strange doesn't it? To understand circumcision of the heart, let's understand circumcision in general and what it meant to our biblical ancestors long ago. In the book of Genesis, God made promises to Abraham that his descendants would be more "numerous than the stars", that through them all nations would be blessed, that they would be given a great land and that all who blessed them would also be blessed.  In the 17th Chapter of Genesis God tells him this is the covenant he shall keep between him and God and all his descendants. He goes on to tell Abraham every male among you must be circumcised, and this would be the sign of the covenant between he and God. When I read this, I wondered why circumcision? From my research, it was a way of distinguishing the Israelites. The other peoples around them, particularly the Greeks were lacking in modesty and rampant in sexual sin. The Lord wanted those He called set apart and this would be the outward physical sign. Circumcision was made a part of the law of Moses when God gave his instruction concerning the birth of a male, we find this in Leviticus. But, the Lord wouldn't stop with just the outward physical sign, He wanted their hearts circumcised as well. In Deuteronomy 30:6 we find this scripture, "Moreover, the Lord your God will circumcise you heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, in order that you may live." Interesting wording here. Visually, I see it as the Lord peeling away a shell of self so that there is no hardness, no selfishness keeping us from loving Him and honoring Him with all of our hearts. It is a surgical operation of our spirit. It's so profound, He stresses it again in Deuteronomy 10:12-16 "And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require from you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and love Him, and to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and will all your soul. And to keep the Lord's commandments and His statutes which I am commanding you today for your good? Behold, to the Lord your God belong heaven and the highest heavens, the earth and all that is in it. Yet on your fathers did the Lord set His affection to love them, and He chose their descendants after them, even you above all peoples, as it is this day. Circumcise then your heart, and stiffen your neck no more." God is always searching our heart, He looks at our inner thoughts and feelings. He knows we aren't perfect that we all fall short. God knows on our own we do not have the ability to change our own hearts. We see in the Psalms how King David cried out after committing sin with Bathsheba, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Do not cast me away from thy presence, and do not take Thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Thy salvation, and sustain me with a willing spirit." Psalm 51:10-12. David recognized when he sinned he moved of his own will, his own flesh. He knew that God's Holy Spirit is what brought him joy and peace. He pleaded for a clean heart, a right spirit and most of all a willing spirit. David needed heart surgery and wanted God to perform his circumcision. I love how we see the reflection of this truth in Colossians 2:9-13 when Paul says, "All of God lives in Christ's body, and God has made you complete in Christ. Christ is in charge of every ruler and authority. In him you were also circumcised. It was not a circumcision performed by human hands. But it was a removal of the corrupt nature in the circumcision performed by Christ. This happened when you were placed in the tomb with Christ through baptism. In baptism, you were also brought back to life with Christ through faith in the power of God, who brought him back to life. You were once dead because of your failures and your uncircumcised corrupt nature. But God made you alive with Christ when He forgave all our failures." I need you to really hear that, I know it's a lot to take in but we are made whole in Him. Our sinful nature is circumcised. He forgives ALL our failures. There is nothing too big or too small. You cannot be separated from His love, His completeness, His hope. If we're not there how do we get there? I look back at King David, I think it starts with an honest heart and a true confession. He searches our hearts and knows the truth that lies there, even if we think we've buried it deeply so that we may never see it again. Confess it to Him, ask Him for a clean heart, a right spirit and a willing spirit, consider it pre-op for your spiritual surgery, but don't worry He has skilled hands and circumcision of the heart is his specialty. 

Manna For The Journey - Day 35

A young girl is taken from her home, perhaps during the night, who knows. She is courageous, she is fierce and little does she know she will save her people...for such a time as this. Of course I'm speaking of Queen Esther. I love this story. So rich with so many lessons. Mordechai is Esther's uncle and he's been raising her since both her parents died. Esther loved Mordechai and was obedient to all he taught her. True to the culture, their names have great meaning. Mordechai in Aramaic consists of two words "mera dachya" it's a spice that diffuses fragrance only after it's been processed. Likewise Esther is also called Hadassah. Hadassah comes from the word "hadas" which is myrtle. The leaves of the myrtle have a very sweet fragrance that can only be released when the leaves are bruised and crushed. The name Esther is related to "hester" which means hidden. Esther kept her nationality hidden for so long under much scrutiny. She possessed great self-control and discipline and ended up saving her people because she was thoughtful in her approach and she listened to her Uncle Mordechai. Can you imagine what she must have been going through. She was already an orphan then she's taken from the sweet uncle that raised her like his own. Esther had favor in the palace as she waited for her chance to go before the King. All the while keeping her secret of who she actually was. After a year of beauty treatments (I love this part) she goes before the king. Pause here. Ladies, wrap your brain around this...1 year of beauty treatments all to be able to show up for 1 night with the king! That's a ton of pressure she must have felt. But again, she found favor and the king chooses her. Esther becomes queen. When Mordecai makes her aware of a plot to kill the Jews, she puts her own life on the line but it's her approach that impresses me. Her honest first reaction is to tell Mordecai that the king hasn't summoned her in 30 days and she can't just go before him, the law allows for someone to be put to death for going before the king unless he extends his scepter to them. Mordecai, in his tough love and strength relays this message back to her saying, maybe this is why you were chosen for such a time as this and I love how he tells her don't think that if you don't do anything that God wouldn't choose someone else to save the Jews and don't think for 1 minute you're safe just because you live in the palace! Wow. He's honest and probably a little surprised at her apprehension when she had been so obedient before. So, she gathers her strength and tells Mordecai to have all the jews fast for 3 days and she and her servants would do the same. Esther has to get over her fear and make a decision that would impact many people, but she would have to risk death to do it. She is humble and is perfect in her dialogue with the king. Once again she finds favor and rescues her people. She faces her fear. She practices self control. She is humble. She is composed and graceful. These attributes are what gain her favor. Honestly, I don't know that I could have responded this way. I react more than respond sometimes. I wonder how many times in life I haven't shown up for my proper time? Has my lack of confidence or unwillingness to risk something created a role for someone else? Someone who was willing to answer the call? I want to be that person. Maybe that's why I love this story so much. I hope to grow into my destiny, to face my opposition head on. Perhaps rather than a year of beauty treatments, I've had a year of trials training me in strength and reliance on God. Who knows maybe this is why the Lord has given me the desire to write and the courage to share....for such a time as this.

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance

for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and 

your father's family will perish. And who knows but that 

you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

Esther 4:14