Serving Those Who Serve Us

I have an either really amazing or super annoying habit of talking to random people…a lot. I might go out for lunch and as the waiter or waitress comes over to let me know they’ll be waiting on me, I’ll ask them their name. Then they might come to get my order and I’ll ask where they’re from. Then when they come back to check on me, I might ask what they’re doing there? This usually stops them in their tracks like a deer in headlights. I don’t do it because I want them to feel uncomfortable. I do it because I want to make them a little uncomfortable. I want them to consider their lives. I want them to know they matter. 

Selfishly, I have to admit, I enjoy hearing their stories. Stories that have brought me sadness that’ll break your heart for them, but also stories of hope, stories of promise, stories of life. When some answer “I don’t know…I just sort of ended up working here.” I remind them they had to decide to work there, they had to agree to work there, they had to feel like this was the best place for them at that particular time. They may all be correct. But, what gets their hearts churning is for me to ask, “Don’t you wonder if there’s more?” 80% of the time, they’ll answer with a sometimes very quiet yes or at the least a nod of their head. 

Consider what the typical life of a waiter/waitress is. Most I can tell you from my experience are in school. Many of them are single parents. Most will admit they can make more money doing that than working in many other professions. Please don’t misunderstand me, being a waiter or waitress is not some horrible job I’m trying to rescue them from. It is hard work. You’re on your feet all day. You deal with some very sweet people and some very not so sweet people. It’s taxing and challenging. When I ask "don’t you wonder if there’s more?", it’s not necessarily dealing with their profession—it’s dealing with life. 

You see, I don’t just randomly consider a place to eat. For me, it becomes almost a secondary job, one that I hold very dear to my heart. I go to two places consistently. I get to know the waiters/waitresses that serve me. My questions and speaking into their life, that’s me having the privilege of serving them. Once they understand I’m genuinely interested in them, their walls begin to come down and I am humbled to be asked into their world. 

How about you, do you see the people around you? Do you notice those that serve you everyday? Do you look at them as people with circumstances that might be similar to yours? Do you see yourself in them? Maybe that’s how you put yourself through school and now it’s time to give back. 

My hope is to meet enough waiters/waitresses that I can gather them in community. Perhaps offer them a poolside bar-b-que with all the fixings and I’d have the honor of serving them the way they serve us every day. 

All Beginnings Are Difficult

I recently found the most beautiful Hebrew saying, "Kol Hatchalot Kashot": All beginnings are difficult.

“All beginnings are difficult.” Just writing that sentence carries so much weight. It’s intense. It’s got meat to it. It’s well…difficult. It’s deep and yet simple all at once. 

A beginning means that something has ended. A beginning signifies change. A beginning means you must start. Webster defines beginning as “the action or start of bringing or bringing into being”. It’s something different, something new. Whether it’s the beginning of a new life process- the beginning of a new marriage, the beginning of a new birth, the beginning of widowhood. Or maybe it’s the beginning of the path to climbing a mountain, the beginning to grad school, the beginning of a new process at work. Perhaps it’s even the beginning of a new painting on a canvas, a new book you wish to write, a new hair style?

Recently, I’ve had the opportunity to witness firsthand a beginning that’s inspired me. Two of the men in our office, Darryl and Brian, have decided to run the San Antonio Rock and Roll Half Marathon. No easy feat considering in January of this year Darryl weighed at least 50 pounds more than he does now and the half was not even on Brian’s radar. Their beginning was difficult to say the least. Mindsets had to change, perspectives had to change, decisions had to change and change can be difficult. 

Think about going to the eye doctor. He sits you in the chair and flashes lenses in front of you. 1 or 2. 3 or 4. Now is 1 better or worse than 3? Imagine if we could tie attitudes to those numbers. 1 is Negative Attitude. 2 is Just Ok. 3 is It’s hard but I’m willing. 4 is I’m committed. Which lens do you prefer to navigate change to your new beginning? 

I believe we must walk ourselves from 1 - 4 if we are going to be on board with our beginnings AND for the benefit of those around us so that we’re not miserable to be around. Remember, it takes a village…

So, Brian and Darryl are now up to running an hour or more on their training schedule. So proud of them! They are getting leaner, stronger and guess what by default their mindsets are also changing. When we take on, commit to and act on physical change, changing our mental attitude is a byproduct. It happens naturally. No longer are we resistive to change but we actually relish the challenge of a difficult beginning. We know what we are made of. We know we can handle it. We look forward to that first step of transition. 

Biblically, think of how many times God asked His people to trust Him for new beginnings. You and I are proof He still does. Quite often when we want our beginning to be cozy and comfortable, usually He has other plans. You see friends, when we're a little stretched and a little uncertain that's when we get to see how big He is. That's when we get to realize apart from Him that new beginning would be even more difficult. Often times we dictate the degree of difficulty. 

Remember, “all beginnings are difficult”, you and your mindset determine just how difficult that beginning will be. 

It Takes A Village...

I meet with so many people who feel as though when they get to work, they check their identity at the door. They either put on a mask they were never meant to wear or they become invisible—just put your head down, do your job and leave at the end of the day. What their companies miss is the chance to celebrate the community of people that work for them. We are not clones. We do not live in a “1984” society. We are all individuals with beautiful gifts and strengths to share that make up our work place. 

We all bring with us different paths that have led us here. We all have different reasons why we are employed here. We all have different perspectives from which we view the events that happen daily. We all hear the words that are spoken in our own ears. We all filter the actions of others in our own ways. Ultimately though, we all should know we matter. 

We should all remember to make room for each others hearts. We should all remember to honor one another in a loving respectful way. Great things happen when you make room for everyone to shine. The best collaborations are those that happen in settings where people know they will be heard, they will be seen and that their comments count. 

I have the opportunity to learn much everyday at Garrison. From door frames to floating a floor and everything construction in between, I have been a student of renovation. The most valuable take away though has been that we honor each and every one on our team. We flow together as one bringing our best to the table each day. We have the support of our leadership who shows us firsthand what this looks like daily. Then, we get to bring that to our clients and show them what sets us apart in the renovation world.

So friends, don’t ever hang up your identity when you walk in that door. You matter. You are needed. The village just wouldn’t be the same without you. 

Is Empathy Overrated?

I recently read an article in Forbes magazine by Rich Karlgaard, “The Jerry Jones Conundrum”. The article caught my eye because Karlgaard discussed how egos in various positions such as Jerry Jones, Steve Jobs and Howard Schultz had to be put aside in order for their business to thrive. In fact in Starbucks case, Howard Schultz realized “there’s an art to customer service that he himself doesn’t really get”. Karlgaard goes on to say “Building a great service company requires a deep empathy for employees and employee culture that Schultz doesn’t have. He is a type A, hyper-competitive, poor-kid-who-goes-to-college-on-a-sports-scholarship, successful-at-everything-he-touches kind of guy. Such people almost never have a gentle, empathetic touch.”—This is what stirred me!

These words reached out from the page like someone gripping my collar and holding me against the wall. “This is you!” I could hear the voice screaming in my head. Really? In my mind, I’m very empathetic. So, I come out of my cubicle and begin asking my co-workers, they work with me every day surely they’ll be honest with me. As I asked them “Do I have empathy?", each of them came back with a resounding “NO” it seems before I could get the question out…hmmmm. But then, one of them said it depends on the situation. He said you expect more from others. Yes, yes I could see that. It was still stirring inside of me. I wanted to understand. I don’t like being unfair, but I know that my expectations from others set a bar higher for many of them than they perhaps set for themselves. 

So, is this good or bad? I look at my son who plays tennis for his university’s D1 team. They have 12 guys on their team. He is in the top 6. He has worked hard for that spot in the top 6. The guys in the bottom 6, they refer to themselves as “team 2”. They make snarky comments during practice. Their attitudes are less than stellar about being on the bottom half. My son says he doesn’t understand. “Why don’t they just try harder then?” I concurred. I don’t understand. That has always been our response. 

So, I suppose what I’m looking for here is your feedback. I want to understand the other side. Is it doing more harm than good to want people to live beyond what they believe possible? Maybe they’ve fallen short of the top of their mountain every time…if there are those of us willing to walk the rest of the way with them, pushing them up the mountain, cheering them on…my how their world would change viewing it from the zenith. 

I want to hear from you…please share. Tell me your story. Tell me your perspective. Where are you on the mountain?

Fear of Joy

Just drove in over the weekend. To be honest, it was quite an emotional drive home. I wept when I could no longer see the mountains around me or in the rearview mirror. They had been my faithful companions for the last 6 days. I had witnessed their transformation. They went from having the tiniest pockets of golden treasure to huge highways of gold leading to the top of their majesty. Each day that past, the mountains were so welcoming, proud of their evolution and happy to share their hues of orange, burgundy and flaming gold with passers by. The mountains were a wonderful reminder that time stands still for no one. Despite what is happening in your life, there is change good or bad, there is going to be a difference so what will you do with it? How will you prepare for it? How will you impact others because of it? 

I read an article in the New York Times this morning, researchers are now discovering there is a “fear of joy” that is permeating not only our society here in the US but globally. The research has shown that it affects most countries except for third world countries where there seems to be no difference in their day anyway according to the article. A “fear of joy”? I had to read the article a couple of times because I could hardly believe it. First off I looked up the proper definition of joy so here it is— Definition of JOY 1 a : the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires. — Perhaps therein lies the problem?

We’ve decided, according to Merriam Webster, that joy has to do with well-being, success and good fortune or by having what we want? So, there’s a fear of being well, a fear of success, a fear of good fortune and a fear of having what we want…hmmmm. Are we saying then that it’s easier to be unhealthy, just doing ok and not really believing in the desires of our heart? Then I suppose the other shoe will never drop? We won’t be disappointed when things change? I don’t understand this all or nothing mentality. If you do, please help me. But look around, it’s true isn’t it? We have an epidemic level problem with our health from heart disease to obesity. I’ve met more people and ask them about connecting with their heart, do they know what their passion is…they have no clue. 

Many people weighed in and left comments. Most agreed with the article saying that this made sense with their perspective of the world. But there were the few that said what I believe is true too. Life is neither good or bad, it just is. We can choose how we respond to the various scenarios life hurls our way. Joy is not situational, nor does it have to be. Joy is knowing we are deeply rooted in who we are and we do not allow what is temporal to create a permanent perspective. Much like the mountains, we know our seasons change. Along with the beauty of fall comes the dead of winter and following that the rebirth of spring. And, as a sweet friend pointed out just the other day, the winter is when there is the most growth in our lives just like the beautiful trees in Colorado. They are dormant, there are no leaves to take the nourishment from the roots. 

Sometimes when we have no fruit, no leaves in our lives, it’s when we just get to be. It’s when we get to prepare for that season of rebirth. We get to choose to be as steadfast as the mountains in all their splendor. Time is constantly moving forward, never backward, will we?