Sometimes Prayer Is A Spectator Sport...

So, I've been reading in Isaiah today. What I found is quite startling. It doesn't matter how many years go by, some things never change. In Chapter 29:16 God is telling us He is going to lay a rock in Zion, a rock that has been tested, a precious cornerstone, a solid foundation. Whoever, believes in him will not worry. But, by the very next page, we're doing things our way again…by chapter 30 He says, "they carry out plans, but not mine. They make alliances against my will. They pile sin on top of sin. They go to Egypt without asking me. They look for shelter under Pharaoh's protection and look for refuge under Egypt's shadow." As I read this I had to ask myself where is my Egypt, who have I made my Pharaoh? Where have I sought shelter instead of under the canopy of my loving Father?

The truth is so hard sometimes. When all we see in front of us is so desolate, when we get impatient in our waiting, when our flesh doesn't see a way out, where do we run to? Do we return to what we know isn't right yet it's so familiar? Do we continue to settle for a life that is just ok but secure? Do we long for what is predictable even though the predictable is painful? Do we refuse to let go of what enslaves us even when freedom is so close we can taste it? I've been there friends. I used to buy in to the burden that weighed me down. It was almost like a trophy for being such a martyr. 

The hardest thing for us to do sometimes is wait. We want to be actively involved. Friends, sometimes prayer is a spectator sport and we get to watch God bring restoration. We get to cheer Him on as He shows up bigger than our minds could ever imagine. We get to celebrate as He rains down confetti of joy and gladness. And in Isaiah 30:15 God tells us just that, "You can be saved by returning to me. You can have rest. You can be strong by being quiet and by trusting in me." Strong by being quiet and trusting in Him… How many of us equate strength with quiet? Not this Hispanic woman. In our house you had to yell to out yell the other people yelling! As I say with an exclamation point…ha ha ha Definitely a spiritual discipline the Lord knows that He has to tutor me in daily. But seriously, He has taught me this and it is so refreshing. Now look at the rest of that scripture, this follows immediately after "But you don't want that." v 16. "You've said no, we'll flee on horses." so you flee….. Then you will be left alone like a flagpole on top of a mountain, like a signpost on a hill, Yahweh is waiting to be kind to you. He rises to have compassion on you. Yahweh is an Elohim of justice.Blessed are those who wait on him."

Puts things in perspective, doesn't it? Makes things so much less complicated. There is blessing that comes when we learn to discipline ourselves to wait on Him. Now this next part is not scripture but the gospel according to Nora. When we wait, lets wait joyfully because we are waiting on the King of the Universe. When we wait, lets wait with a positive attitude, not an attitude of a victim or of mourning. We are waiting on the One who Is I AM. The unchangeable, immoveable God who moves mountains! Oh yes friends, it's gonna be good! Wait joyfully in the Spirit. Believe in the beautiful wonder that is our Creator! He will bring you through the trial, He will put you on top of the mountain, not like a lonely flagpole but surrounded by witnesses to see His glory!

And look how sweetly He answers again, Verse 19 "You will live in Zion, in Jerusalem. You won't cry anymore. Yahweh will certainly have pity on you when you cry for help. As soon as He hears you, he will answer you. Adonay may give you troubles and hardships. But your teacher will no longer be hidden from you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes. You will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way. Follow it, whether it turns to the right or to the left." Then you will dishonor your silver-plated idols and your gold-covered statues. You will throw them away like clothing ruined by stains You will say to them, "Get out!"

I love it! I am here to tell you friends, it is so good! I just finished throwing out my idols and I relished the moment I said "Get out!" It is liberating! It can be scary because we've held on to them for so long. Fear will tell us we'll be lost without them. But we are not a people of fear, we are a people who overcome because our God came for us. We will not go back to Egypt and we don't need a Pharaoh, all we need is our God. 

Love Is Valiant....

³⁴ A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another:just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. ³⁵ By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

This morning a lot has been swirling in my head…for those of you who know me well, this is no surprise. I've been thinking about how much I love movies like Gladiator, Braveheart, The Patriot. I love the undying passion of the fearless leader who ignites his people to battle with a fierceness and loyalty like no other. You knew who battled along side this hero by the way they carried themselves, what they stood for, their allegiance was incredible. Honestly, I enjoyed watching those who persecuted them get what they had coming on the battlefield. I cheered during the blood bath as the "good" triumphed. Hmmm….but then I thought of my ultimate hero, Jesus. 

Jesus is not a fabled hero in a story. Jesus came in the flesh, walked this earth, broke bread with us, taught us, gathered us to himself, died for us so he could save us from sin and from ourselves. Jesus did not come and teach people to fight against human flesh as opposition. Jesus did not rally people around him to fight physical battles. No, quite the opposite. Jesus taught us to bless our enemies. Jesus taught us not to judge others. Jesus taught us to love our neighbors and to love ourselves. Jesus did not teach that when something has been done to you, you go and take it back. He did not teach us to retaliate or be vengeful. Jesus taught us to love one another and this would be our mark as His disciple.

So, why is it easier for us to identify with movies like Gladiator and Braveheart when what we know to be truth is so countercultural to that?

Because our flesh cries out for justice. Our flesh wants retaliation. Our flesh longs to make right what we feel was wronged to us. I think I sometimes forget those that have hurt me are only human too with broken hearts, broken dreams, broken relationships. Why are we any better then them? Jesus, our hero, came to die for all men so that all our sins could be forgiven. Jesus came that all those who seek Him with all their hearts would find Him. 

There are so many opportunities to show love instead of hate. These days it seems we group people into categories and it becomes us and them. I don't remember reading in the Bible and it saying that Jesus sacrifice was for a select few. I don't remember reading qualifications and if you fall outside of that you're on your own. He gives everyone the chance to know Him to be affected by Him, shouldn't we? 

Eat Pray Love

"We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked around this place, at the chaos it has endured – the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.” - Eat Pray Love

I know it's not a bible verse and I know it's not the most biblical movie but it speaks volumes to how we tend to process in our lives. The place the character was speaking of was called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus had built this incredible fortress to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it along with everything else. How could this great emperor have known that it would lie in ruin along with all of Rome. That the world would change that much. I wonder if you can relate to that as much as I did. We build walls, fortresses to preserve and protect our hearts, our homes, our marriages, our children, ourselves. No matter how much we try to self preserve, we are sometimes our own worst enemy and we fail to realize that we ourselves have shown the barbarians the way in and they come and trash us. They trash our world and everything around it. The fortress becomes a desolate, lonely, quiet place of ruin. 

I have known this place friends, and it's a really hard place to be. It's also the sweetest place of growth and learning and blessing others. I love how this quote talks about the chaos this place has endured, the way its adapted, burned, pillaged and finds a way to build itself back up again. God loves messy people. Look at the disciples. Look who he chose to surround himself with as He walked this earth. They were people whose lives, whose "fortresses" had been burned, pillaged, ransacked. Can you relate? The difference is we do not build ourselves back up again, God takes our crazy, our chaos and uses it to build us into the original design He created in us in the first place. 1 Peter 5:10 says this "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."

Don't miss that, it doesn't say after we celebrate a little while, after we are joyful a little while, we do get to be all of those good things but we also suffer a little while. The God of all grace, who has called us will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish us. Amen. Any of you need any of those wonderful things? How about a little restoration for your ruins? How about confirmation that He has called you, that He is at work in your life, that this is not a coincidence? Strength…yes please. And establish us, set us on firm ground with good soil.

So, this quote is so true. The world is chaotic and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Chaos can be very attractive. Chaos can even feel comfortable. Chaos can make us complacent. And all these can lead us to ruin in one form or another, but remember ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation. As always, remember to reach up to God and reach out to community.

Do Not Fear, Only Believe...

Mark 5:36

³⁶ But overhearing^[a] what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue, “Do not fear, only believe.”

Fear is an interesting emotion. So many synonyms for what fear is but at the end of the day, it can be an emotion that defeats us. An emotion that we buy into and spend so much effort on that we become it's puppet and it is glad to pull our strings. Scientists have studied fear since the early 1900's. There was one study done with rats and they monitored the reaction of them based on the distance of a predator. Obviously, they found their levels of fear elevated the closer in proximity a predator was. Then scientists thought to study humans and fear. They showed babies pictures of dogs. No response of course. But, when the picture of the dog was shown along with a loud noise, it freaked them out. Over time all they had to do was bring out a picture of the dog and their response was fear, loud noise or not. They began to associate their fear with that picture. If we look at one of the purest definitions of fear, it is a perceived threat. Perceived threat. It may happen. 

So many of us that have been through hurt in one form or another become accustomed to wringing our hands, anxiety, playing the "what if" game. We begin to live life waiting for the picture of that dog to be pulled out any moment. We begin to not only wait for it, we come to expect it. We live life defeated even if that picture isn't ever pulled out. The enemy has already conditioned our response and all he has to do is cue that picture in our minds and we go into fear mode. I'm wondering what that picture is for you? The fear of not being loved, the fear of something happening to our children, the fear of death, the fear of not making it financially, the fear of our spouse cheating, the fear of taking risks, the fear of living a life of mediocrity but we're to afraid to change, the fear that despite all our prayer God won't show up.

Think about it, when you consider the amount of time you spend worrying about something versus living and waiting on God, it's staggering isn't it? I had a dear sweet friend come into my life many years ago. She was a strong woman of faith. She had experienced one of the hardest lives, things you would never wish on anybody. But she had a faith that could move mountains. That was a very dark time in my life. I would meet with her and she'd say in the most loving way, "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry you're going through that right now." and then in a more stern but very loving way she'd say, "Ok you have 3 minutes to have your pity party, then we're gonna get on our knees and ask God to get us through it!" It still makes me laugh as I remember that. She was a wise woman. She knew that fear could paralyze me if I didn't remember how big God is, how much He loves me, how important faith is to get us through our trials. 

I'm reminded of Mark 5 when Jairus's daughter was so ill. He asked Jesus to come heal her. He was afraid. On the way there, another needs healing, the woman with the bleeding disorder. She touches Him by faith knowing she will be healed. After 12 years, she was done worrying. This interruption was long enough for Jairus's daughter to become so ill she died. So the guards come and tell Jairus there's no reason to bother the teacher, she's dead. Overhearing this, Jesus tells Jairus, "Do not fear, only believe." So, I wonder what are the voices Jesus is overhearing in your life? People telling you to handle your situation on your own, people telling you to give up and move on, people telling you there's no point you've been waiting long enough, people telling you you're too old to go back to school, people telling you to give up on that prodigal child… Can you hear Jesus telling you, "Do not fear, only believe."? What is dying in your life so much that others would say it's already dead? A marriage, a dream, a relationship with a loved one, a desire to write a book. What has hurt you so bad that you feel dead inside? Jesus is still restoring and redeeming. Do not fear, only believe. 

Equipping Us For All We Need....

²¹ may he equip you with all you need
    for doing his will.
May he produce in you,^[a]
    through the power of Jesus Christ,
every good thing that is pleasing to him.
    All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.

I took this picture this morning as I got up to begin my quiet time. The Lord had this gift waiting for me as I peeled back the curtains. The sun nestled perfectly in the boughs of the tree. It filled up every part of it that seemed hollow. It reminded me of His healing and loving light that filters through my heart. Even in the darkest places, His light brings strength, His light brings joy, His light brings a smile to my face. We cannot be a people of situations and circumstances. We cannot look at things through human eyes and with our flesh. We must reach higher toward Him and reach out toward community. Our circumstances and our past wounds do not define us. WE are as immoveable as God stands firm. My son has been struggling with different obstacles this year. As a momma, its the hardest thing to watch. I want to console him, I want to change the channel in his life to something pleasant, I want to harbor him from the pain and frustration. And yet, praying for Him to the God who created the universe, who created all life, who heals the sick…well He just might be able to do a little bit more than this momma in a tizzy. What I love and have learned from my experience is as God unfolds the rest of the experience, if we have an open heart-- we learn from it, we realize that He has just blessed us with another opportunity to share His glory. 

He brought this scripture to mind today from Hebrews 13:21,"may He equip you with all you need for doing his will. May He produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to Him. All glory to Him forever and ever! Amen"

Friends, we all have struggles and heartbreaks. I've had the absolute pleasure of sitting alongside so many and hearing their sadness, their frustrations, their fears. I truly believe our response to these situations is paramount. Honestly, I haven't always responded well. There have been times in my life, I'd shrink back from things quaking with fear. Like a child covering my ears with my hands and closing my eyes not wanting to see or hear what is happening. I've awoke in such an anxiety attack my sheets and pajamas are soaked, so uncertain of what the next day would bring. I have been there. I've been on my knees not in thanksgiving, but shaking my fist at God saying "how much longer?"  "Don't you see I've prayed, I've believed, I've been waiting." Much like me with my son, His heart is breaking with mine. He sees me. He is aware. And like this scripture says He equips us with all we need for doing His will. Don't miss that friends. Not for doing what our flesh wants, for doing His will. In my life experience, those two almost always don't line up. 

"May He produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to Him". On our own, we are not capable. I have tried the "on my own" approach. It failed miserably. Not only did it fail miserably, it gave the enemy a chance to whisper in my ear that I failed miserably. We need His power. It's a supernatural thing to believe in the sight of everything that looks completely bleak in a chapter in our life. It is by no other way than His way that we are brought through that wilderness. "Every good thing that is pleasing to Him." This is the hard part for me. This is the part I wrestle with Him the most about. You see, when I've been hurt by someone, especially someone I trusted with my vulnerable heart, I want to hurt them back. In my flesh, I want them to know how they've hurt me. When they act like what they've done doesn't matter, when they act like I didn't matter… I want to ask Jesus, "Today can vengeance be mine too?" And he sweetly shakes his head and smiles because He knows He created a firecracker when He made me. He often tries to channel that in another direction like any good parent knows to do. He is training me to respond in the way that is pleasing to Him, but He equips me first. I wonder how many of us are wasting our energy on a battle that is His? We simply need to show up and trust. We need to keep looking forward to the day when we can look backward and understand. 

Getting to the heart of trust...

Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

It takes courage to be vulnerable, especially after you've been hurt. It takes courage to trust. I think we make our lives so much smaller than God ever intended. Not that it's about drawing attention to ourselves or not being humble. Living into the fullness of ourselves is about following our call, discovering our gifting, pursuing our passions. We place such tight parameters around our worlds. Everyday we have the opportunity to unwrap new truths about ourselves, beautiful realities, but I think we miss them. I think it's easier to point out the extra inches on our hips, the task we didn't get around to, the mistake we made at work. God wants you to remember your smile that lit up the room today, the encouraging word you spoke to someone who needed it, the listening ear you gave to the cashier at the grocery store. You see, being vulnerable means we don't feel the need to hide our heart for fear of someone abusing it. Being vulnerable means that you're willing to share with others your dreams, your loves, your thoughts. Vulnerability means it's ok to be honest with others while still honoring them and not losing yourself. Being vulnerable means we trust God because we know it's ok to be vulnerable with Him. 

So, I'll ask you that question, can you be vulnerable with God? I'll never forget sitting at a women's retreat years ago when I was first asked that question. My answer then and quite honestly  up until this year was. no. I would tell God what I wanted Him to hear and the way I thought He wanted to hear it. I knew He loved me, but deep down I still wanted to control my own life. The reason I had such a hard time relinquishing control is that I truly didn't believe that He was for me. If I'm completely transparent, I have lived waiting for the other shoe to drop. Interesting story behind that saying but that's for another post…One of the scariest emotions for me is contentment, happiness, joy. Why you ask? Because the lie I believed is the minute you get too comfortable in something good happening, disaster strikes. So many years were wasted on trying to control, trying to make things just so, trying to get ahead of outcomes for fear of what the outcome would be. All the while, going to church, reading my bible, being in ministry. Living from an untrusting heart. And if you are like me, with control issues, we don't just do it with God we do it with everyone else in our lives too. 

What's really scary is when God reveals this to you about yourself and you start noticing it. A situation arises and you go into control mode. I'll just call this person and make that happen, I'll send this email and take care of it, I'll just move this here and cancel that there so that then this works in that spot…the list goes on and on. Hello…um..where does God come in? How about going to God in prayer, not that He isn't already aware…and asking for what you need?  Wouldn't life be much more enjoyable if we could just surrender and believe what scripture says.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you." Says the Lord, "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." 

So, I'm wondering what it would look like for each one of us to live from a more transparent heart…Would there be things you no longer do in your life because the truth is you really don't like doing it but it pleased someone else? Would it mean that you finally begin to live more freely allowing God to shape your life instead of you creating the outcome? Would you unearth the dream you buried so long ago because it just wasn't practical to pursue it? We owe it to ourselves to have an introduction to our hearts. A heart that knows at this meeting, it's safe to speak freely. For many of us, it'll be like meeting someone for the very first time where we discover longings that have been locked away for far too long. Friends, as I look back at my life, I played conductor for a long time. I knew just when the strings were to play, when the woodwinds should begin, when the brass should be cued, and finally the percussion. I stood on my podium day after day, minute after minute, till I was completely exhausted. Little did I know, I knew nothing about creating music or conducting a symphony and God's timing, well it's always right on cue with what we need in our life every day. You see He wrote your symphony. Our job is to sit back and enjoy the beautiful melody that comes when our Grand Maestro takes his place at the front of our lives. 

You ARE Priceless....

Proverbs 31:25-26

²⁵ Strength and dignity are her clothing,
    and she laughs at the time to come.
²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

There have been so many sweet women who have reached out to me over the past couple of days. So many with stories of redemption, so many who could relate to walking in their wilderness, so many glorious testimonies. There are also those still in their pits, covered in mud looking for the rays of sunshine that would bring just a little hope to their day. Beautiful strong women that have allowed someone or something to determine their value, to assign them worth. 

The enemy has used people to come in to these precious lives, including my own, and raid our spirits till there is nothing but fragmented hearts and ferocious fears. I've mentioned it before but the vision I always see is living surrounded by fun house mirrors. Our image of ourselves is so distorted and yet God has never left our side. There is sunshine waiting and we keep turning around driving back through the storm of dysfunction in our lives. If we are not aware, we can subject ourselves to a life of mediocrity and shallow spirits allowing people or situations to dictate our worth to us. 

Just think of how powerful the word "worth" is. It establishes value. "The drive is so far to ----, it's just not worth it." "That house is worth every bit of the asking price." We judge worth daily to things, to events, to effort but how dare we put a price on our lives when Jesus came in the flesh and went to the cross for our lives to be full and reflect His glory. Are we giving Him glory when we make our lives so small because of other people? Are we really honoring Him when we allow a situation to steal our joy? Are we living into our gifts and sharing our spirit with others when we allow ourselves to be confined under someone's thumb? No. No we're not. Luke 12:6-7 tells us, "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God, Why, even the hairs on your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows." We are His creation. God loves us, He values us. Why do allow a mere person to influence what we should believe about ourselves?

Maybe we're in a toxic relationship and it has just taken the wind out of our sails. Maybe we have a prodigal child and we begin to believe we're terrible parents. Maybe we've gone through a divorce and we begin to believe the lie that somehow we're tainted. Maybe we feel abandoned by people so we wonder if we're worth fighting for? I really need you to see the lies behind those stories. I want nothing more than for you to be able to embrace the truth that you matter. I know so many of you personally and you all embody the Proverbs 31 woman, "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." Believe those beautiful words friend because that is who you are. Say them to yourself as affirmations every morning till they go from your head to your heart.

 Here's the other thing if God's commands us to "love your neighbor as yourself" but we have a hard time loving ourselves, then how can we love our neighbor?  I honestly had not seen that until He showed it to me tonight. And who is our neighbor? It's each and every one of us that looks to the other to help us lift our heads when we can not. It is the friend in your community that consistently calls just to see if you're ok. Its the friend that calls because hearing your voice and encouragement is what is going to get her through the day. Just consider that, do you love yourself? Can you love yourself? Friends, if you could see what God thinks of you. How much He loves you. The plans He has for your life. I wonder if we could stop looking in the funhouse mirror and maybe catch a glimpse of our reflections of redemption. Begin walking toward that let Jesus words about who you are permeate your minds and filter into your hearts. Let His truth become your truth. 

Restoration & Forgiveness

Ephesians 4:31-32

³¹ Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. ³² Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

First of all, thank you for the overwhelming support and sweetness many of you have poured out given my blog yesterday. Community is a beautiful thing, especially for a woman who made an art of hiding out and pushing through the muddy parts of her life on her own. Can you relate to that? When things get really messy, do you allow yourself to be vulnerable and let people in? Or do you tend to "hide out" and you think you're just handling things on your own, but really the enemy wants you alone. Then he has your full attention and can continue using his mental barrage of weaponry. I hadn't realized this till I was in the thick of my pit. It took everything I had to go to church that Sunday morning. I gathered myself, licked my wounds and got there. I remember sitting with Linda, my loving mentor, my rabbi, and telling her I just feel so alone. I felt abandoned by God and by others. I did a good job of disappearing, of course I felt alone. She reminded me I hear from God well, let's see what He has to say about it. So, I closed my eyes and in frustration said, "Linda, all I see is a cave and a big rock in front and Jesus is asking me to come out and I'm being stubborn and don't want to." See, that doesn't even make sense! Disappointed and still uncertain we went in to the sanctuary, worship was beginning.

It felt so hard to sing and praise God, I was so sad. Yet, during the worship set, one of our worship pastors began speaking a word of encouragement that seemed tailored just for me. Then it was time for the teaching. We always stand to recite the Word together. The teaching was about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead and beckoning him out of his tomb in the cave, moving the rock! Are you kidding me? I'm telling y'all I can't make this stuff up! I began to tear up knowing God had heard my cries. He was acknowledging me and my pain and He was asking me to rise up. The key point in that teaching that was such a revelation for me was Scott emphasizing that Lazarus needed the community to remove his grave clothes once He was brought back to life. Isn't that interesting? It's also practical, those grave clothes can be intensely confining. We need community to help us peel the layers. We need community to help remove the rock blocking our grave. We need Jesus to rise up and stand for us and say no more, this is my child and I speak life!

I believe in order for us to really receive that invitation another key piece is forgiveness. One of the hardest things in our flesh, is to forgive those that have seriously wronged us. There's a mental solo conversation in my head that questions how someone could be so mean, so heartless, so intentional about hurting us. The wound feels so fresh, so raw, so deep. Unforgiveness can leave us in a place where we actually glorify being a victim. Sadly, we almost sensationalize the act or the hurt by reliving it over and over. We feed the very monster we're trying to get rid of. I think of Mathew West's song "Forgiveness". He wrote that song after meeting a woman whose daughter was killed by a drunk driver. It was one of the darkest places in her life. She couldn't get out of bed, she was miserable. She realized God was asking her to forgive this man. As she walked through that with God, she visited this man in prison. In turn, he asked for forgiveness from God. He went to the chapel in the prison and gave His life to God there. This man was handed a 22 year sentence, He ended up being released after serving 11. Sometimes I think we somehow forget what Jesus did for us to forgive the sins of all, not just who we determine as judges should be forgiven. So I ask you, can you pray to forgive the husband or wife who cheated? Can you forgive your parent who was an addict? Can you forgive your rapist? Can you forgive the person who murdered a family member? The one who murdered your spirit? Can you forgive yourself?  Just like Mathew West's song says "tell me how to love the unloveable, to reach the unreachable, see what your mercy sees and give what you gave to me". That's forgiveness friends and it leads to freedom. 

Sing a new song...

Psalm 40:1-3

¹ I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
    and he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
    out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
    and steadied me as I walked along.
³ He has given me a new song to sing,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
    They will put their trust in the Lord.

She was 16 years old. A burgeoning tennis player in her high school. She had a boyfriend or two, but nothing too serious. Her homelife was shaky at best. She was an intelligent young woman. She loved learning and excelled in her classes. There was a new counselor at her high school. He seemed nice enough. He seemed to take an interest in her. She thought he genuinely wanted to help her work through some issues. One day following tennis practice, she needed a ride home and there he was. He asked if she'd like something to eat on the way home, he ended up taking her to a raunchy motel and sexually abusing her. Her view about love was forever changed that day. Her trust of people was shattered. That young girl was me. That wound pervaded my heart for many years. That hurt and horror dictated my response to many a situation in my life. That despicable act led to so many negative choices in my adult years. You see, he not only raped me and stole my virginity, he ravaged my heart and stole my worth and more importantly my identity. 

So, my question to you is, who have you allowed to steal your worth? It may not be as severe maybe yours was more insidious. But, I believe each one of us can relate to having some piece of you stolen and its time we take it back. Yes, it is our duty to regain that lost piece of our hearts. That sheer act of evil caused me to question who I was, what I had to give, and worst of all who could love me? But, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, God does not see you that way. And He most certainly does not want you to see yourself that way. 1Peter 2:9 says we are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that we may declare the praises of Him who called us out of darkness into his wonderful light. Amen! Where is your darkness friend? Are you on the other side? Are you still in it?

 The truth is, we can live so long surrounded by the dark that we forget to turn on the light! The darkness becomes comfortable as we become complacent. It becomes soothing as we fall into the seduction of it. I am here, a living testament to tell you, that no matter what your situation is, God can and chooses to pluck you out of the muck and the mire and set you on solid ground. Psalm 40:1-3 tells us "I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord." There is so much in here, but this is the truth so let's try to unpack it so we don't miss it. "I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry." So this tells us that we are to wait patiently…so hard for so many of us. Patient is not even a part of our vocabulary! For the Lord…not for my next solution, not for your girlfriend's plan, not for anyone else's but the Lords. Probably one of the sweetest and hardest is this "he turned to me and heard my cry". God has not forgotten you, He has not abandoned you. I promise. I know things can look so bleak. You feel like all you've done is cry out to Him and you see nothing. He has not left you, God's timing is perfect. We cannot put human attributes or timing on Him. He is God. He will turn to you and He does hear your cries.

 "He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire." I'm sorry to break it to you all but this is also true. It doesn't say he lifted me out of a situation that was a little hard, or he lifted me out of what was uncomfortable. Times will be hard and uncomfortable, but at this  point sometimes, just sometimes we can still rely on self. Trust me on this. I am Queen of doers. I make things happen. But a pit of despair? Oh let me just tell you, the pit of despair has been my address for the last few months. You all that personally know me can attest to this. It is so hard to still believe when you are in that place, in that pit. Looking around, all you see is the negative. All you feel is the rawness of that pit. It's a cold place where nothing seems to comfort you. But let me tell you when you finally figure out you've got to look up, you've got to reach up, you've got to shut up with believing the lies and negativity, God will lift you up.

Perfect Peace

Isaiah 26:3

English Standard Version (ESV)

³ You keep him in perfect peace
    whose mind is stayed on you,
    because he trusts in you.

What a season this has been…I read that verse and sigh and think to myself that sounds really good right about now. How about you? Would you like some perfect peace? Peace in Hebrew is shalom. Shalom is not just peace, it's complete peace, perfect peace, wholeness, harmony. Free of agitation or discord. Is your life free of agitation and discord? All I have to do is get in my car and drive around our fair city, shalom goes out the window! But seriously, wouldn't this just feel amazing? Breaking down the verse further the next piece says "whose mind is stayed on you". Ah…here in lies the key. To have your mind "stayed" on something means you plant it there and it is immoveable. You stand firm. Regardless of circumstances or situations, that is all you see, all you know, all you want. Reflecting, how many things in my life does Jesus have to compete with for where my mind is "stayed"? Am I consumed by conflict with loved ones? Am I struggling in a situation that's work related? Am I defeated by discord with my son? If I am allowing all these things to consume me, God's fire cannot. If my mind is hurriedly racing from one drama to the next maybe it's time for me to unsubscribe to cable tv for the mind and get a God antenna so He is the only channel my receiver gets? Amen? He is perfect peace. He is shalom. If our minds are "stayed" on Him, there is nothing that we are concerned, consumed, or confounded by. We want for nothing more than to bask in His presence and His peace. God is our author and creator, our perfecter. Nothing is happening or has happened in our life that is a sudden news flash to Him. He will be with us. Even when we have to put our heads down and weather the storm, He is there…who do you think controls the storm? The perfect peace comes, shalom, because we trust in Him. By trusting in Him we acknowledge that He is in control, not us. Oh we love the illusion of control, especially us strong women. We've been through a lot so we can get through anything. But, if we look back through those times in our lives, He orchestrated our deliverance not us. Sometimes we just give ourselves the credit. Yes friends, I have learned that perfect peace, shalom, completeness only comes when we lay our lives down at His feet, open our hands, and say I trust you God. We clean house, get rid of the idols in our life, including ourselves (Nora 101) and we keep our minds "stayed" on Him. We practice our spiritual disciplines of solitude, prayer that involves listening instead of just talking, being intentional about studying His word. To honor Kidd Kradick, an amazing man who we just lost this year, his signature catch phrase is appropriate for this blog he'd say, "Keep looking up cause that's where it all is!" Thank you Kidd.