Living Sacrifice

Lately I'm really moved by what it means to be a "living sacrifice". Of what it takes to lie upon an altar and offer myself to my Father. To consider what I am willing to lay down, to think about how often I've missed an opportunity to build an altar and offer sacrifice, to capture the moment and have it burned into my heart so I don't forget it. To be honest, it's really troubled me. My Father has done so much, He's taught me so much, He's loved me so much. He doesn't require it, but isn't my life His anyway to offer to Him?

We all have different stories and yet they're all the same. The end result is the same theme throughout the bible. He is calling us to Himself to redeem us so that we may have fellowship with Him. So that we may go out and make disciples of others. So that we may offer ourselves as a living sacrifice to Him. He knows us all so well and what we're created to be that all of our journeys are hand tailored just for us. The hard parts with challenges to bring out the amazing gifts that He bestows upon us. The wonderful sweet parts that make our hearts smile in ways unique to us and who He made us to be. At the end of the day, I believe He wants all of our hearts. Once we're able to give Him all of it, then and only then can He begin to bless us with other things, other people because the "other things" will have their proper position.

I need you all to really understand this because it was really huge for me as He revealed it to me. He will take us through hard parts in our journey to rid our hearts of things that don't belong. To trade with us our fears and wounds for love and a new name. He will continue to shape us with a love and determination because we are his beloved. It's a time of testing and refining. A purging really, to cleanse our hearts of all that doesn't belong so that when we view the world through the eyes of our hearts, we can look at things clearly. We will no longer view situations through the color of the cobwebs that have entangled us for so long. Come Follow Me is a call not only to discover who He is but to discover who we are. 

I wonder if life sometimes isn't like a thunderstorm, like the grayness of the clouds. You see friends, I believe when we are living in our original design, it's like the most perfect sunny day with no clouds. It's like walking through beautiful fields of green with jeweled flowers. It's like the mist of marvelous waterfalls that greet you with the gentlest embrace. When we forget to press in to that truth about ourselves, it's like the thunderstorms that come in life. When you look around all you see is gray but if you look hard enough for that small break in the clouds, you find a tiny window like a curtain and behind it you see the most amazing blue skies. You begin to wonder what is real. Are the gray skies really your lot or are they just passing through and the blue skies will return again. Sometimes it's constant wilderness in the journey but we remember a glimpse of the blue sky and we remember the promises for us. Then we know the illusion is really the gray skies that hide the blue. And they too shall pass. Even though sometimes it seems we will never see our blue skies and sunshine again, it is always present in our hearts.

Uniquely The Same

Have you ever listened to yourself? I mean have you ever paid attention to things you say repeatedly? So lately I've tried to be very aware of listening to myself...and for me quite often this is my favorite phrase- "I just don't understand." Recently, I found some poems my mom kept over the years that I wrote as a child. I was 8 years old writing words on a page about how life was such a mystery. First of all, what 8 year old is pondering life? Second of all, why didn't my parents get me checked out then, would've saved me years of bills in therapy! Or maybe it's just that we're all uniquely the same...

I chose the picture of this beautiful lantern because I love collecting these beautiful light shelters. I love the intricacies of the glass. I love the different shapes of them. I love the shadows and the colors they cast upon the room like adorning jewelry. Depending on how the glass is cut, depending on the color, depending on the opaqueness of the lantern, a different design will appear on it's canvas.

Friends, this may be a stretch, but I see us much like these beautiful lanterns. As you've heard me say repeatedly, we are all made in our original designs. We all have these beautiful God given shapes, these wonderful colors to our spirits, this amazing ability to shine brilliantly. More importantly, none of us are given the same structure, the same colors, the same shells. We have all been inserted into this ginormous story in God's book. Have you ever thought about that? I love how my great shepherd, Pastor Scott Heare says it--If the bible begins with Genesis and ends with Revelation and that is when Jesus returns but that hasn't happened yet, then aren't we all part of the story? Love that.

So, if we're all different and we all have different reasons for our brilliance, then why do I need to understand others? Why can't I just accept that not everyone views life through my lens? Maybe I have the narrow-minded scope and as opposed to those that I "don't understand"? Perhaps my understanding could be broadened by asking questions so that I can seek to know what it is I don't understand. We all create the light that we allow to be shown based on our experience of how our light has been received in the past. For some of us, our lanterns have mega watt bulbs in them. We've never known what it is to not be received well. We know who we are. For some of us, we don't want anyone to see our light at all, we keep it purposely turned down to dim for fear we'll be noticed. Not sure how we'll be received. We blend in with the other lanterns so as not to draw attention. We do our best just to turn on at all.

It may be this woman's crazy imagination and believe me friend's it runs as wild as my mustang spirit. But, I believe the more we get to know ourselves and the more freedom we find in that, the more we're willing to allow our light to be seen and the more color we get in our lantern. I think our glass suddenly begins to turn clearer instead of opaque just as our views of ourselves become more understood. So, who am I to not understand, instead I should be willing to just appreciate the light that's being given or maybe offer to share my light with theirs to make things just a little brighter.

Nature As Teacher

I am so spoiled by our Texas weather. On Sunday I was sitting out on my patio basking in the sun and for the past two days, I've been layered for the bitter cold. The great thing about Texas is the cold doesn't stick around too long. Before we know it, the sun returns from his sabbatical and ushers in warmth like a loving embrace from an old friend back from a long trip. I began turning my thoughts to spring. Honestly, I think it's my favorite season. I love the crispness in the air of new beginnings as winter fades and begins to hibernate till it's his turn again. I love the sweet smell of the blossoms in the flowering trees and the return of the green leaves. It's amazing to watch a different version of life come back. Not that winter isn't life, it's just different. Sometimes actually, I feel a little bad for giving winter such a bad rap. It serves it's purpose and honestly winter can be beautiful. It's like I said it's not that it's bad it's just different, it's a season. 

I began to realize that life can be like that sometimes. When it's hard, when it hurts, when we're struggling...well, it can feel a lot like winter. It's cold. It's desolate. It's barren like the trees without the life of their leaves. But remember friends, there is beauty in winter. Winter is before the life of spring. Winter is a time of preparation. Winter is a time to slow down and allow ourselves to be pruned so that when it's spring's turn, we bring even more life than we had before. 

Spring really is beautiful. You know what really blows my mind are the wildflowers. How do they get there? Who waters them? Who takes care of them? They bloom in rock crevices, in dry soil, on the side of hills, along streams. What's so amazing is they blossom with so much confidence don't they? Just so proud reaching up to their Father who created them. The most precious thing I find about that is many of them will never be seen. Many wildflowers bloom in the most remote areas and yet they show up so brightly, serving their purpose, proud of who they were created to be. Can we just ponder that for a moment? In our culture, we are taught to praise people for what we "see" them do. We begin to perform as young children for our parents, then we perform as young adults for our peers, then as adults in our jobs, in our personal life. But wildflowers, they just want to serve their creator, they are grateful, they know they are brilliant and if no one ever notices who cares, their Author sees them and He is pleased.

I wonder if we couldn't learn a lesson from the wildflowers? Could we not just show up every day with everything we have and reach up to our loving Father bestowing our beauty just because He created us? I'm wondering if we could maybe have a more grateful posture for just being planted somewhere knowing that our job is simply to point to Him. I'm wondering if we couldn't stop worrying and wondering who will tend us? Our Creator knows all of our needs and just like He provides for the wildflowers, He will provide for you. 

The Eye Of The Hurricane

I am so humbled and taken aback by the many, many messages I received after my post yesterday. The reality is many of us have lost heart. Many of us are in the midst of suffering. Many of us have felt the gravity of unspeakable loss. To all of you in that hurricane of hurt, I am so very sorry for your pain. I've been there friends. My own personal story is dripping with dysfunction, its peppered with pain, it's littered with my share of loss. Literal death of people that were too young to die. I've felt the pain of those left behind not understanding, not sure how to get through from one day to the next, one minute to the next. It hurts them to breathe.

I can't tell you some magical concoction for sudden victory in the belly of the void you feel in the very depths of your being. I can't wave a magic wand and make it all go away, believe me I wish I could. I can't tell you that you'll be better than ever in no time at all. No friends, it's never that way. What I can tell you is that as hard as it is to believe right now, if you're willing, you will find your way again. I can tell you that your loving Father cares for you and weeps with you, his heart breaks with yours.

In my humble opinion, somehow someway these dark nights of our journey are when our Father actually holds us a little tighter. Its these times in the middle of some of the greatest storms of our lives that He calls out to us and beckons us to allow Him to be our refuge, our strength. You see, even in the biggest and worst of hurricanes, they all have an eye. The eye of the hurricane has light winds, fair weather, there is little or no precipitation. Some say, blue skies or even stars can be seen. So while all that turbulence, all those huge disturbances, all that destruction is swirling about, not so in the eye. The eye is calm. The eye is a place of refuge. The eye is not moved. The eye is peace. That is what our Father offers us if we'll take him up on it.

I know sometimes things seem insurmountable and overwhelming. But if we can be willing to take a little risk and reach out to Him, I think you'll be blown away by what you find. Not by the winds of the raging storm but by the gentle, sweet winds in the eye of your hurricane. Believe me, I came from a very distrusting past. I used to have an "orphan" mentality--I believed if I wanted anything done, I'd have to make it happen, do it on my own. When I finally awakened to the place of surrendering my will, my way, my agenda I found a loving Father ready to love me, to forgive me and to teach me to help others connect with their hearts. To help others discover the passion that He hardwired each of us for. To live into our original designs.

What's the risk in taking a little risk? What's the harm in stepping a little outside of the comfort zone you've been in for so long? If you really believed this is all there was to life, you wouldn't be reading this blog. You're looking for hope, you're looking for a reason to keep believing. I hope you've found it. If any of you would like specific things offered in prayer, I'm happy to join with you in agreement that our Father can and will provide a way. Just message me, it would be my privilege.

Past, Present, & Future

For those of you who attend Riverside, what an amazing teaching by our sweet Linda Marceau today!  If you missed it or would like to watch it, I'm sure our great communications team (aka Adam Schindler!) will have it up shortly. Just to give you a brief trailer version, it really is worth watching in it's entirety, Linda talked about her encounter with the Holy Spirit receiving her gifts and the healing of her heart. She also explained how receiving the full measure of Holy Spirit can bring transformation in our lives. Just look at that picture friends, you tell me that's not transformation! Holy Smokes! I hadn't realized until going through old photos on my computer how much I've changed. The past photo was literally just under 2 years ago. These pictures speak volumes. Crazy...

When I reflect on that time in my life and see the picture from my past. I'm taken back in time. I remember being so unhappy. I was "trying" to make it through a day at a time. I remember having headaches all the time from stress. I'd put a smile on in public and of course "had it all together" in church. But in my alone time and at home, I was depressed. Many nights I cried myself to sleep thinking was this all there was to the rest of my life? I didn't know how to lift my head, I didn't have the strength to pull myself out of my pit and I had settled into a quiet desperation. It became comfortable. Every morning I put on my smile and feeble attempt at a positive attitude like it was a daily wardrobe. Honestly, I didn't know who I was, I didn't know where I belonged, and I was like a chameleon becoming whoever people wanted me to be. I didn't like establishing roots, certainly didn't like vulnerability that was a dirty word.  I think about that verse in Romans 8:38-39 that says "neither death nor life...will be able to separate us from God's love" He knows that somedays living life is as hard as death. Somedays we need to rely on His belief in us because we have nothing left to believe in ourselves.

But then something happens...there's a shift. He puts people in our path to plant hope in our hearts. To take us from dismally desperate to deepening in our faith. Yes friends, He is the lifter of our heads. We don't have to try so hard. We don't have to fake it till we make it. We don't have to suffer in isolation, in our self imposed prisons. So for me, I took God up on his offer to lovingly Father me. I accepted Holy Spirits offer of healing and offering me gifts to help others. I remember noticing that I began to smile more and it wasn't that fake smile I used to put on for daily use, it was a sincere there's joy in my heart so I can smile, smile. I began noticing the beautiful paintings of sunrises and sunsets. Flowers smelled so much more fragrant. I began seeing people differently. I began having a keen awareness for those hurting much like I used to. I also began to trust people more to accept me for me. No more would I color people through assumption whether positive or negative. I learned how to rely on God for my provision, not me. I watched as he blessed me with gifts to be relational with others, to teach, to cultivate community. 

Yes friends, when I look at that "Present" picture, I see a woman who is confident. She knows who she is and she has come into her own. She has shed the labels that were never hers to bear. She has accepted the gifts bestowed upon her by God and by her community that he has brought into her life. Instead of fake smiles and stabs at a positive attitude that is self driven, she clothes herself with grace and joy daily knowing a mighty God goes before her and behind. She knows that vulnerability is not a dirty word but rather a way to honor others and not lose self. She is an amazing mother, full of strength to guide her amazing beautiful son through the storms that may come in life. Her direction comes from her compass that God has provided, no longer from her own past successes and failures. The woman in that picture only looks ahead on the horizon, for she knows her God who loves her so deeply, has great plans for her. She carries in her heart the victories that He has won in her favor and remembers them daily. She shows the world the beauty that only comes from deep precious healing, beauty that only her Savior can create through an original design he sculpted long ago. 

Sometimes we get so busy with day to day living we forget to realize just how far we've been brought in our journey. It takes pictures to show us how empirical the reality is. I know I get on my soapbox often about changing the channel in our lives when we're sick of the same movie playing over and over. People often say "change is hard" or "how much can we really change?" well friends, the proof is in the pudding! I can honestly tell you, I am living proof of the mercy, the love, and the power of our loving Father. Transformation is waiting...are you ready for the journey?

So much to say- think too much

Hi friends,

So usually when I blog, I give lots of thought to what I want to talk about with you all. I make sure it flows. I double check to make sure nothing is too offensive. Vulnerably speaking, sometimes I just want to share what I'm thinking. I don't want to be overly consumed about judgement but rather be willing to take the risk of freedom. It's what I preach often for crying out loud. So today I'm sitting having brunch alone at a popular brunch place. I'm a great people watcher. Many here appear to be on their way to another destination. There are "cheer" moms with their daughters. Faces adorned with make up and big bows in their hair. Moms adorned with make up to keep up with the other moms. Believe me, I'm guilty, I'm headed to the gym after but my face is well..."made up". There are "new" couples eating together. You can tell they're new because they still talk to each other and laugh. Even the occasional pat on the hand or arm. And, it's the week before valentine's day, better be on your best behavior...ha! There are couples here that are married and it's not that they don't care anymore, but I'd like to think they've settled in to a beautiful level of comfort with one another. There are old friends reconnecting. New friends meeting. And it blows my mind that this is just one tiny place in our ginormous universe! Holy smokes! Consider all the activity happening everywhere all over the world...what is the most important thing in our hearts and our minds? Do we make good use of the time we are given? If we knew this was one of or our absolute final day here are these the things we'd be doing? Are these the worries we'd have? Would we be this comfortable? I know I'm weird...I know I wonder about things most people don't. Entertain me for a bit, weigh in so I don't feel like I'm on a one man island. 

Enjoy the warmth of God's sunshine today! It feels absolutely wonderful!