Surrender and Fear

Surrender and Fear

Never mistake the freedom of surrender with the scary emotion of fear.  The two are very similiar and can be easily mistaken.  What’s even more interesting is their definitions.  Surrender is relinquishing something or to someone, fear is perceived danger.  Ah, therein lies the key “perceived”.  Unfortunately in my life, my address was fear for a very long time.  You see, I come from a long line of strong women.  We love to fix, create, and dare I say it, control.  Lack of control is scary, it’s fearful.  

My lightbulb moment happened recently dealing with the preparation of my 18 year old getting ready to go off to college.  For years, he traveled to tournaments independently, he went to visit friends, he trained away from home, but I always knew it was for a short time.  I always knew he was coming back.  Getting ready for him to attend a university out of state was shell shocking to say the least.  He would be away for long stretches, he’d have a new life, and God forbid he wouldn’t need me anymore and I would no longer be in control.

How will he ever make it without me I questioned.  How will he fend for himself?  Who will take care of him when he’s sick?  Who, I ask, will make the Ramen he loves when he has a cold?  What I really wanted to know was who will I be when he’s gone?  What purpose will I have?  Who will I have to take care of then?  Who will I control for crying out loud?!

I realized I had to let go, cut the umbilical cord, let him spread his wings.  It wasn’t easy, but thankfully I’m a spiritual person.  I knew I had been pursuing a tug of war with my great big God for my son and I knew I couldn’t win.  Clear as day I could hear God in my heart, not with a stern voice but with a sweet, understanding one.  Never mistake the feeling of surrender with the scary emotion of fear.  See, I had to relinquish my son so God could do His work in molding him into the wonderful man I know he’ll be but I had to get over my fear of letting go.

So, next time your feeling “perceived” danger just ask yourself what your afraid of, because chances are God’s got it already, then all you have to do is let go!