Who Is Your Neighbor?

One of the definitions of the word “sight” is what our range of vision allows us to see. I think that’s fascinating. Quite often when I have the opportunity to teach, I’ll often ask can you “see” that? What we “see” is governed by what we want to see sometimes. Have you ever noticed when driving somewhere, especially driving somewhere familiar, you just seem to get there? You probably couldn’t tell me the color of the car you were behind most of the way, you probably couldn’t remember who was sitting next to you in that traffic, you wouldn’t remember much about your journey from here to there because you’re thinking about what you have to take care of when you arrive, or the things you have to do later, or whether or not you took care of what the kids needed…the list goes on. Honestly, I’ve been in meetings with people, one on one, and my mind is thinking about what I have to do after my meeting. I’m not “seeing” the person in front of me. I’m missing an opportunity to share in their life, to listen to their opinion, to just be present.

How many times have you gone into the grocery store and you don’t even remember the name of the cashier? You didn’t notice them. You didn’t see them. Maybe the waitress when you went to eat…did you catch her name? Did you see her face? Did she look like she had something weighing on her? Did you see her? I’m as guilty as anyone. I can get so “me” focused that I forget to “see” others. I forget the world has more people in it than just me, myself and I. Consider this, often times when we go home we pull into our garage, the garage goes down and we walk through the door into our house. Did you see your neighbor? Did you have the opportunity to ask about their day? If you live in a very pedestrian city like New York, how many people are walking around with their headphones in? Kids waiting for the school bus stand around with their headphones in. When did we lose our sense of “sight”? When did we forget about community? 

The reality is we live in a society that breeds isolation and independence. Often times we’re taught self reliance, it’s perceived as a quality of strength. But, what of a collection of people versus only one? Aren’t two heads better than one? Isn’t it more challenging to break a chord of three rather than a strand of one? What about in the workplace? Does your company carve out a culture of competition with one another or does it encourage the efforts of utilizing the strengths of the team? Don’t get me wrong, for those of you who know me personally, I’m highly competitive. Having said that, I’ve also found the beauty in being vulnerable and sharing my strengths with others as they share theirs with me. 

So why do we need one another? Belonging to a group or community gives us a sense of identity. It helps us understand who we are and feel part of something larger than ourselves. Researchers also find that people with strong social connections have less stress-related health problems, lower risk of mental illness, and faster recovery from trauma or illness. Having friends and family can also encourage and support us in pursuing our goals and taking part in theirs. 

Consider some of the tragedies we’ve faced as a country. The truth is when drastic events occur, we pull together. We lean on each other. We weep together. Why do we have to wait for something awful to occur before we “see” each other? I’m reminded of a quote I once read, “(Neighbor is) not he whom I find in my path, but rather he in whose path I place myself, he whom I approach and actively seek.” I wonder, who is your neighbor? Who will you choose to “see” today?