Celebrating 43!

43

This is my 43rd birthday eve. It is different. I am different. Imagine with me for a moment the layers on the inside of Texas limestone in the hill country. That limestone has a story. It has survived many years. it has seen many battles. It has weathered storms and wildfires. It has sustained, survived and stands as solid as the day it was created. If I were a rock, I’d be Texas limestone. Not just because it’s native to Texas….well maybe just because it’s native to Texas. 

After living 43 years on this earth, I have a story. I have fought many a battle. I have stood in storms and survived wildfires. In my case however, my faith is what has allowed me to stand firm on solid ground. The day the Lord decided I needed a heart transplant, He saved my life. He took my crusty, hardened and broken heart and gave me a heart of flesh. My new heart beats to His rhythm, not my own. Much like when someone gets a physical heart transplant, my body had to learn to accept it. 

You see, I was spiritually ill. In the natural a CBC panel stands for a complete blood count. In the spiritual it's Christ Blood Count in our lives, I had not allowed the sacrifice of His blood to permeate my soul. I was so caught up in my version of comfort, I wouldn't let Him in. I knew who He was. Heck I even taught bible study to others. Head knowledge was not what I lacked. It was heart knowledge. It was the belief that He was the answer, the only answer. 

The scripture from Deuteronomy 6:5 and then repeated by Jesus in Matthew 22:37-40: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind and you shall love your neighbor as yourself." 

When I didn't fully trust in Jesus as my Savior I didn't truly apply this scripture to my life. If I'm honest, I didn't love the Lord with all my heart. I loved Him, I just wasn't ready to surrender all of my heart to Him. Interesting side fact, in Hebrew the word for heart is "leb". In Hebrew, the word heart not only refers to our heart as the home of our emotions but also our mind, our place of decision. In ancient times, it was believed the heart controlled the rest of the body. In many ways, it absolutely can. 

It's no wonder the word heart is found more than 1000 times in scripture. Take a closer look and we're told the heart is "deceitful above all things." In Samuel we're told "man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart." In Matthew 12:34, Jesus tells us "the mouth speaks what the heart is full of".

The heart has intellectual and spiritual functions. In scripture we see examples where a heart thinks, remembers, reflects and meditates. In  first century culture, ears heard, eyes saw, the heart was meant to discern. When a person lacked insight, it was synonymous with lacking heart.

Father knew my old heart was incapable of making a conscious commitment to follow Him. He was aware my old heart was not full of His love, or His ways rather, it was full of my flesh. I needed Him. I was sick. I began to wonder if all my seeking Him was in vain. I saw no difference in my life. There was no evidence of this loving God I'd heard others speak of. 

As I considered this dilemma, was I duped? Was He real? Where did I go wrong? Then as clear as day, I heard Him. "Are you ready now?" He asked. Am I ready? What kind of question is that? I asked with all the selfishness of my flesh. Then it hit me, like a ton of bricks. Maybe that was the problem...

You see friends, I kept waiting for Him to be ready to play the role of Father. To swoop down and rescue me from my problems. To be my Savior, that's what He's supposed to be isn't He? 
Gently, He nudged me again, "Are you ready?" After much mental wrestling and many tears, I conceded. "Yes Father, I am ready. Will you please be my Lord?"

He wrapped me up in the softest blanket of His love I could ever imagine. I cried, but this time it was tears of joy. It was the knowing I had been looking for all along. 

I received my new heart that day. One that was fully able to choose Him. One that could commit to Him, not out of obligation but out of love, out of awe for my Savior. 

As I sit here on the eve of my 43 years on this earth. I am more grateful than I've ever been. I have more joy than I've ever had. I love deeper than I've ever loved. My son has grown into the most amazing person who seeks Him because he wants to. Jake speaks into others lives from his teammates to the kids he teaches, he's a great leader who brings out the best in others. I have extended "sons" that I absolutely adore-- Frenchie, Tomas and many others! The Lord has brought the most precious man, Timothy and his wonderful family into my life, you guys make me want to be better! To be surrounded by these precious people makes me overflow with gladness. 

Our Father has called me into the most amazing ministry. I've had the humble privilege of meeting so many from all over with hearts to further His gospel. With this new heart, there is a passion and desire running deep into my bones to serve others just as our Father did. Life for me is not about furthering an agenda serving self, it is about impacting others. It's about His love, His heart, His kingdom. 

This is the long way around the barn to say, I'm grateful my name was on the transplant list. I'm in awe He never gave up on me. My former heart couldn't have received these sweet gifts, these marvelous memories. It wasn't capable. We are not capable without our Father who loves us, who waits for us, who is my all. 

Birthdays are special friends, guess my "heart" is reflecting. Life is beautiful--good or bad--it's wonderfully amazing and reassuring to remember He is in control. At 43 I love who I am in Him. My prayer is the evolution does not stop and always moves forward. Thank you all for playing a role in this journey called life.