Its 9:30 in the morning, slept in. Comfortable start to the morning till I decide to check my phone and realize I missed a text from my son at 6am asking me to call him. I missed another at 6:20 asking for the insurance card and finally one at 9:20 "mom, I'm in the hospital" What?! The first thoughts that run through my head are, "I'm a terrible mother!" "How could I miss those texts?" "What's wrong with him?""It was an accident!""It's life threatening!" Panic flooded my body, like a hurricane that wouldn't cease. My heart felt like it was broken in half with a cavern as deep as the Grand Canyon. I went into survival mode. When I got him on the phone, he began to tell me about terrible pain in his abdomen like nothing he had known before and was throwing up blood. My whole world was collapsing and fast. Thankfully the sweetest angel in my life reminded me I had a choice. I could let the anxiety and fear grip me or I could choose God and grow. Wow. Isn't that what I tell other people? Good stuff. I made a decision to choose the faith that moves mountains. I decided then and there that regardless of the circumstances, I would be unshakeable and immovable. I reminded myself that God is Jake's Father and He loves him more than I do. I thought of Abraham, such a pillar of faith, even when asked to lay his Isaac down. Yes, I will believe. Not only will I believe but I will believe with a grateful heart. The fear subsided and I began to pray and rest in that. I had to press toward the panic instead of allowing it to consume me head first. I decided to utilize what I could do, lean on my sweet angel, enlist the prayer warriors from church and continue to live knowing God is in control. A few hours went by and I spoke with the hospital. The prognosis was better. Probably an intestinal obstruction. He would have to stay a few more days, he'd be sore for a couple days but thankfully it would pass. Relief came over me. I was so grateful. My son's pain would subside. I had to stop for a moment and wonder if it were not such a positive phone call, would I have been grateful anyway? If I love my Father and believe He is always good, could I praise Him in that moment too? Honestly, I can only hope that I would. This experience was very sobering and definitely one to hit the pause button of life. Does my faith move mountains, do I have at least the faith of a mustard seed, not for my own agenda but for God's will regardless of the outcome? The reality is we are loved deeper than we will ever know by a Father that holds our heart when we smile and with every tear thats shed. He celebrates with us, He weeps with us, He even gets angry with us. So please take heart with me, faith is believing in what God can do, not what we have to do for Him to do something.
"For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you."
Isaiah 41:13
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