Is it possible to be made stronger by weakness? My competitive nature wants to disagree immediately. It wants to cry out "Of course not! We work at masking our weakness, don't we?" I play competitive tennis, my backhand is stronger than my forehand. So what do I do? I strategically set up my points to avoid hitting too many forehands. I study the court, it's geometry, I study my opponent's playing patterns and set up my play accordingly to avoid the forehand. Well, I want to win don't I? If I don't let you see it, you can never discover my weakness. I wonder, do we do that in life? Do we hide our weakness so they're not exposed and we don't have to worry about what others will think when they see them? Do we hide them so well even we forget about them? Admittedly, I mastered this. I could hide my fears and shortcomings so well, you'd only ever meet a part of me. If by chance, someone was just as good as I was and could see through me and call me out, well I just got defensive enough that I could deflect it right back. I could place blame like a bulls eye on a target. I could find all the excuses for myself. I did everything but the right thing. That is, till it began to cost me everything. I was forced to look at myself and my motives and friends it was ugly. I realized I had manipulated situations based on fear and insecurity. I validated my ill behavior and words so that it was justified. I realized that I was more stubborn than I cared to admit and if I didn't begin to seek change and commit to that change, I was risking never receiving the many blessings that come from living with a whole heart. So, I began to note patterns in my life. I wrote them out and remembered what emotion I might have been feeling, what lie was I believing, what was I trying to protect or preserve? I realized that I was not resting and trusting about much of anything in life. I was navigating and steering and I knew exactly what I wanted the outcome to be so I knew how to control a situation. When people talked about freedom, I didn't understand what that meant or looked like. I could pretend I did. I was good at that, but I truly had no idea. Who needs freedom when you control the outcome? Free from what? The bible is littered with people who found strength in their weakness. I think of Samson, he was only strong when he trusted in the Lord. The second he began relying on his own strength he lost, but leaning on the Lord brought him his greatest victory. I remember Abraham and Sarah, he knew it would take a miracle to have a baby. He had to rely on God, on his own it was impossible. I think the key is in recognizing our weakness and then admitting that on our own, there is no strength. The danger comes in feeling a little puffed up and prideful that we know what's best. We can handle it. It will not work. It may work for a time, but it cannot stick. I know for me personally, there have been many times I'm flying along. Everything is clicking so well on my watch that I don't see the wall in front of me I'm about to hit because of self dependency. Worse yet, I don't realize it till I see the carnage and collateral damage around me with nowhere to point the finger, nowhere to place blame but with me. The good news is we can always find a starting point. We have to give ourselves grace and make every effort to remember we fell in-love with Jesus the first time because we realized how much we needed him. We should strive to remember that more often. If we can recognize our weakness, it can bring relief and this elusive thing called freedom. We're no longer striving to manipulate and control because we've given control over to Jesus. A final word, we must not only be willing to see our weakness but we must be grateful for it and thankful to God. In other words, we must find contentment while He works through it with us. The hardest role is to be a willing vessel as we are refined. For me, it has been one of the most emotionally brutal times. My heart has was crushed as I recognized the damage I had done around me, those I loved the most. When we take things in our own hands instead of placing them in the loving hands of our Savior, we are revoking our trust in Him. We are rescinding our belief and we don't fully receive His blessing and love. Not only that we don't fully receive the blessing and love of those around us. So be of great courage friends, it's actually in our greatest times of weakness and need that we realize how much strength we actually have.
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power
is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more
gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
2 Corinthians 12:9
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