This is the last day of a 40 day devotional. It has been an interesting ride to say the least. I will continue writing. I've fallen madly in-love with it. For the final day of the devotional, I'd like to discuss something I've wrestled with. As I mentioned in previous blogs, I grew up in a legalistic religion. Having said that, there are some ongoing fun debates about what exactly legalism is. Since I'm not one who likes controversy…for those that know me this is major tongue in cheek. Of course I'm going to discuss this. I would definitely describe my former belief as legalistic not because of what the religion is but because of what I made it. My point is, you can make a very non-legalistic religion legalistic just by your perception of it. For example, I believed I had to be good all the time for God to love me. I believed I had to be completely obedient for him to be pleased with me. I believed I earned salvation based on my works. Slap any religion on me, with those beliefs I am a legalist. Legalism is all my works get me to heaven. Legalism is me looking down on others simply because I think somehow I'm better than them in the religion department. Legalism is me not having a relationship with my Savior. I see Him keeping a list of my wrongs and rights and I better have more rights at the end of the day or I'll be frowned upon. That is not my belief anymore. I believe that because of my relationship with Jesus. Because I love and fear Him, I wish to be obedient to His Word. I feel that sometimes we diminish what it means to meet Jesus. Maybe I should phrase that another way, I think sometimes we can cheapen what it is when Jesus meets us where we are, covered in sin, not able to save ourselves. For the rest of the blog, I decided to write in narrative form. I've always wondered what it would have been like to live in biblical days and encounter Jesus in the flesh. So here's my take on that, my life all those years ago.
The marketplace was overly crowded that day. You literally had to shove and push your way through just to get by. The air was thick with the smell of spices for sale and the fresh fruits just brought in. It was Capernaum. I grew up here and had remained here with my family. I was considered an outcast in some circles. You see, I had been married not once before, but twice. Some people would wonder what was wrong with me? From all appearances, I was considered a lovely woman but I must have been broken in some way. Who would want me now anyway? I was tainted. I have a son. He is a beautiful young man. His skin like the bark of the olive trees from the sun. He works hard and loves me with a fierce love. I don't have many friends, afraid to trust. I've been hurt by people one too many times. Life here is what it is. I keep to myself, go to market, take care of my son. What else is there? As I was walking back from the market one day, there was a crowd passing by. They were rushing around someone, but I had never seen this man before. He had a way about him. He looked kind. Could this be him? The one they speak of? Rumor had it, he could forgive sins and heal the sick. But was this him? The crowd continued by and I wondered but didn't follow. The next day someone said he'd be speaking just down the road at one of the official's homes. I longed to go, but thought there's no way they'd let me in, my life was on par with the prostitutes because of my failed marriages. I would peer in through a window, desperate to see this man they call Yeshua. I had to climb a tree to get to the ledge but I made it. I sat in the tree and watched him teaching from the scrolls, then it happened. He glanced my way and stopped. His eyes pierced to my heart and just then I felt it. He could see me. But, He didn't just see me, he saw through me. He never took His eyes off me and began walking toward me. In fear, I began trying to scramble down the tree, but He stopped me. He reached through the window and softly held my face in His hands. He spoke and His voice was so soft but so commanding, "My daughter why are you on the outside looking in? Why not join those who have been called here?" Trembling, I answered "I can't" was all I could say. He never took His eyes off me and said, "why do you believe that?"I answered quietly looking down, "I am not worthy." His eyes filed with tears and He shook his head in disagreement. He said, "My daughter you are precious in my sight. I love you so much. You are beautiful, you are gifted, and you are worthy. Your sins are forgiven. Now live the fullness of the life that I have carved out for you. and sin no more." Then he reached through the window with both arms and plucked me out of the tree to bring me inside. I cried and was filled with joy all at the same time. From that day on I followed Yeshua all the way to the cross. I grieved the day He left us but held on to the promise that He would come again. He gave me life. He gave me my identity in Him not the one rooted in sin that labeled me. He freed me from myself and from those that persecuted me. He is my Savior.
Wow. That was so moving to write, I hope its as moving to read. I hope you see yourself in that story. The interesting thing is when Jesus was preparing to go to the cross He tells us in John 16:7 "Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you." It is to our advantage that Jesus go away in the flesh because we get the Holy Spirit that dwells in us every day, every minute. How crazy is it then that we make our quiet time with God or our disciplines of prayer as something that's just part of our daily schedules. Getting back to the debate on whether or not we're legalists because we want to be obedient to His word. The reality is, because of grace and because we live in a fallen world, we will sin. We can be covered up to our necks in sin. We can be like David who committed adultery and murdered, but the key is having a repentful heart that longs to be made right with God. To have a willing spirit to avoid the sin that entangles us. You see just because I know that even when I'm sinning, Jesus still pursues me does not mean that I have the right to run faster toward sin. It means that if I know Jesus in my heart, I struggle with the sin. I'm uncomfortable with it. I know it's wrong and I have a choice whether to keep sinning or to ask my Savior to help me stop sinning. To transform my heart so that I no longer desire the sin. Isn't this the goal? Isn't this the daily process through communing with Him that we would allow Him to search our hearts and purge all the filth and everything that is not of Him and finally, to pray for a willing spirit because we love Him but most of all because He loved us first.
No comments:
Post a Comment