Is Empathy Overrated?

I recently read an article in Forbes magazine by Rich Karlgaard, “The Jerry Jones Conundrum”. The article caught my eye because Karlgaard discussed how egos in various positions such as Jerry Jones, Steve Jobs and Howard Schultz had to be put aside in order for their business to thrive. In fact in Starbucks case, Howard Schultz realized “there’s an art to customer service that he himself doesn’t really get”. Karlgaard goes on to say “Building a great service company requires a deep empathy for employees and employee culture that Schultz doesn’t have. He is a type A, hyper-competitive, poor-kid-who-goes-to-college-on-a-sports-scholarship, successful-at-everything-he-touches kind of guy. Such people almost never have a gentle, empathetic touch.”—This is what stirred me!

These words reached out from the page like someone gripping my collar and holding me against the wall. “This is you!” I could hear the voice screaming in my head. Really? In my mind, I’m very empathetic. So, I come out of my cubicle and begin asking my co-workers, they work with me every day surely they’ll be honest with me. As I asked them “Do I have empathy?", each of them came back with a resounding “NO” it seems before I could get the question out…hmmmm. But then, one of them said it depends on the situation. He said you expect more from others. Yes, yes I could see that. It was still stirring inside of me. I wanted to understand. I don’t like being unfair, but I know that my expectations from others set a bar higher for many of them than they perhaps set for themselves. 

So, is this good or bad? I look at my son who plays tennis for his university’s D1 team. They have 12 guys on their team. He is in the top 6. He has worked hard for that spot in the top 6. The guys in the bottom 6, they refer to themselves as “team 2”. They make snarky comments during practice. Their attitudes are less than stellar about being on the bottom half. My son says he doesn’t understand. “Why don’t they just try harder then?” I concurred. I don’t understand. That has always been our response. 

So, I suppose what I’m looking for here is your feedback. I want to understand the other side. Is it doing more harm than good to want people to live beyond what they believe possible? Maybe they’ve fallen short of the top of their mountain every time…if there are those of us willing to walk the rest of the way with them, pushing them up the mountain, cheering them on…my how their world would change viewing it from the zenith. 

I want to hear from you…please share. Tell me your story. Tell me your perspective. Where are you on the mountain?