Day 17
So as we’ve been considering memory and how that shapes us for future events, how are you feeling? If I’m honest, I’m a little uncomfortable. I hadn’t realized how much our recollection of events plays such a part in how we receive new experiences. How much there is to let go of so that we are fair, flexible and fluid with new opportunities in our lives.
Were you ever that kid growing up that was picked last for a team? Or maybe not chosen at all? How about now? Have you ever been in a situation maybe for a job, maybe in relationship, maybe for a new venture of some kind and you just were not what they were looking for? But, I’m wondering if we can begin to look at those situations from a lens of gratitude instead of a lens of rejection?
Maybe we could begin to color those as opportunities to find out more about ourselves. Maybe we’ve been so busy trying to be what that team, that person, that situation wanted us to be that we forgot to honor who we are? I know it hurts, believe me. Rejection has been a wound that has almost attached itself to me for the better part of my life. As a kid, through 10 year old eyes, my dad wanted to do everything but spend time with me. Now, is that reality? Probably not, but the feelings were very real.
So what does that look like to be able to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and just grateful for the experience of “trying out” vs. so hurt by not being chosen. How do we communicate vulnerability with honesty and gratitude without coming across as needy? We should after all be allowed to share our thoughts and emotions while we can listen to someone else’s but I’ll tell you it makes people very uncomfortable when you’re that honest. Vulnerability means we allow our hearts to be exposed. Vulnerability has long been equated with being weak, but friends I’m telling you there is strength in being comfortable enough to share who we truly are, how we truly feel. So, here is the key point, don’t miss it! The difference is being vulnerable and grateful and speaking your thoughts in an honest way should in no way be tied to the person’s response. Did you receive that?
In other words, if I meet a man I truly enjoy spending time with and want to share that I’d love to spend as much time with him as possible (not see him everyday but when our schedules allow it) or maybe to say that I’d like to see him exclusively, that is vulnerability. However, he may or may not feel the same way but my telling him should not be based on that. Vulnerability requires taking a chance. So rather than play this game of I’ll be on my best behavior and hope that you like me enough, I’d personally rather just tell him how I feel. If he feels the same way great, if not, then my heart and I need to be grateful for the experience and move on down the road. Why waste time trying to figure it out? Now, remember vulnerability makes people uncomfortable. Give people time to adjust, to process, it isn’t a way we are programmed to move typically. But, I really believe there is something beautiful in asking someone how you can honor them in relationship. What do others need from you to honor themselves?
Consider today what it looks like for you to honor yourself in relationship. What does it look like to be vulnerable without losing who you are? What do you consider when you think of being vulnerable and honest vs coming across as needy and insecure? There is a fine line there friends, but you are worth your weight in gold. Don’t lose yourself because you’re afraid of disappointment or rejection. Like we said yesterday, there are far better things down the road.
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