From Repurposed Find to Life Found Day 5

Day 5 

One of the most pivotal times in my healing was facing my misperceptions about God and who He is and what He is in my life. Growing up I think I saw God as this sort of Wizard of Oz character. He sort of functioned behind this big curtain and enjoyed making things happen, both good and bad. But in my view, the good things were only for the “good” people. And as far as I was concerned that wasn’t me. So I waited for God to sort of do his thing. I waited for him to smite me when he was angry. I waited for him to make life hard for me since I wasn’t on the “right path”. I waited for him to wipe me off the face of the earth at a young age because I didn’t matter. Oh, but he wouldn’t just take me at a young age, he would wait for things to be going really well so it would really be disturbing. Sad isn’t it? But that was my reality for a very long time. Then I feel like I accepted Jesus as my Savior but didn’t really have relationship with Him. I still sort of felt like I “owed” Him, as if He really needed me to do anything for Him. 

Honestly, I didn’t understand the whole relationship thing with Jesus. I remember asking the questions like, “If Jesus really loved me how could He let this happen to me?” “If He is my Father and cares why did He let my marriage fail?” “Why couldn’t He spare me from that event that was so utterly painful?” How many of us have asked these questions and more. How many of us have lost a loved one to some terrible illness or lost someone at a young age to a tragedy? How many of us can say, if we’re honest, that we felt uncertain even abandoned maybe?

But, I’m wondering if maybe when we decide to really begin a relationship with Jesus that we’re not asking the wrong questions? I’m wondering if maybe our perspective about who He is, isn’t just a bit skewed? I mean, how many of us really give ice cream to our kids for breakfast, lunch and dinner? That’s what they would ask us for over things that are healthy for them right? You see friends, just as my vision of who God was at a young age was distorted, I think our way of thinking about how He moves can be a bit off as well. Perhaps we could begin by maybe reframing what we ask when things happen. I’m wondering if maybe we couldn’t ask “what are you trying to teach me through this?” “what can I share with others about this experience?” “what are you wanting me to let go of?” “what do you really want me to see with the eyes of my heart and not the physical eyes on my head?” It changes the perspective doesn’t it? 

I think sometimes we allow the wounds we discussed in Day 4 to sort of mistranslate how we receive things, how we receive people, how we perceive what is happening to us at any given moment in our lives. The reality is, God has probably been trying to have a real, deep, sweet relationship with you for a long time, but we have constructed road blocks that keep Him confined to only the places we’re willing to allow Him entry. I liken it to being an athlete, we are trained to be disciplined. We are trained to move through the pain. To deal with it, to just suck it up. We’re taught to ignore what ails us, as if there’s some valiance in finishing the race with scars and poorly healed broken parts. There is something to being able to admit we are wounded. To accept that things right now just aren’t ok. Friends, let’s not settle for just ok. Let’s not allow broken pieces of us to heal without proper attention and care. Let’s trust God with our wounds like the great physician He is. He would never tell us to “suck it up” and get back on the battlefield of life, just break off the arrow and push through. No, He would lovingly take us in His arms. Remove the arrow gently and then bind up our broken hearts. 

In your quiet time today, consider your view of God. Think about what you believe about Him. Have you allowed yourself to really feel the weight of your wounds and given them proper time to heal? Do you push yourself to get back into life without regard to how these situations repurpose our lives? Will you allow Jesus to remove some of the arrows that have wounded your heart? Most of all, will you allow Him to love you as he heals those places? 

Psalm 86

A prayer of David.

1 

Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer;

    answer me, for I need your help.